Quotable Calvin.....And Corban

I know it's been a long time since I've done a Quotable Calvin post, and it's not by any means for lack of material. It's only because I forget to write things down. But the good news is, now I can start including some Corban quotes. While not as sophisticated as Calvin's, Corban's are pretty funny. Enjoy:



A few nights ago Corban was running around saying, "Ooh ooh, aah aah". I asked him if he was a monkey. He looked at me with a look that said, "huh?" and he said, "No, I'm a butterfly."



Calvin and Zach were having a pretty deep conversation about the word infinite, and about things that are infinite. So I decided to see what he had learned. I asked him the definition of the word, and he answered really well. I then asked him what kind of things are infinite. He started off good, but quickly took another direction. He replied, "Numbers are infinite, and God is infinite; what if you were a Star Wars guy and lined up all the bad guys in a row and shot them."



Also in the category of randomness: I was busy in the kitchen and Calvin asked if slime could be any color. I launched into an explanation of how different things affect the color outcome of slime. To which he said, "Well, if slime was fruit colored, it would be a rainbow."



Before the bath one evening, the kids were being particularly silly. I looked at Corban and told him I thought he was funny. He said, "I not funny, I weird."



When I was putting Calvin to bed one night, he was still apprehensive about the idea of getting a flu shot. He asked when they would get it, where would they get it, how bad would it hurt, and many more. Then he said, "I wish they only had flu shots in Texas." Apparently that is the most remote/exotic or removed location he could think of.



While Zach was driving home one night over a particularly curvy road, Calvin half asleep in the back seat said, "These dangerous curves are really freakin' me out."

Lampy The Garbage Truck

Calvin is getting older and these days we read books instead of telling stories at bedtime. There is a good and a bad side to it. On one hand, the books we read are pretty enjoyable for me as well. We have read Charlotte's Web, Little House on the Prairie, and the whole Chronicles of Narnia series to name a few. On the other hand, sometimes I miss telling him stories. One night, when he was still getting bedtime stories, I asked him what he wanted the story to be about. He replied, "a garbage truck". I asked him what this garbage truck should be called he said, "Lampy", naturally. I assume that was in reference to Larry Boy and one of the villains in Bumblyburg. His name is Awful Alvin and his faithful sidekick is Lampy (a lamp). So anyways the name stuck and we have had many, many stories starring Lampy the garbage truck. Well, one night recently Corban asked for a bedtime story. So I told him one of the Lampy stories. Now, he can't get enough. He asks for a Lampy story every night now, and I am happy to oblige. And, because I am sure you are dying to hear one, here is a Lampy story for you:

One of the many adventures of Lampy the garbage truck.



One morning Lampy was out picking up the rubbish. He does that every morning; it is his job. But Lampy had become very familiar with his routine. He knew his route very well. This particular morning, Lampy was not paying very much attention to where he was going. He was too busy thinking about what he was going to do when work was done. He didn't even see the big nail sticking up in the road. All of a sudden, he heard a "POP." Lampy was hurt, and he couldn't move because his tire had popped. Lampy started to cry, loudly! "Oh, ouch I am hurt, what am I going to do", he wailed. A man who lived on that street came out of his house to see what had happened. "Lampy what's wrong?", he asked. But Lampy was hysterical, and couldn't even answer. Finally the man said, "Lampy, suck it up! Take a deep breath, tell me what happened." Lampy sucked it up, and took a deep breath. He was still whimpering but he told the man what happened. "I'm hurt, it hurts, so bad. I wasn't paying attention to where I was going and I ran over a nail, my tire is popped and I can't move. What am I going to do, what am I going to do?", Lampy asked.

"Lampy, it is going to be okay. We will call our friend Mike the Mechanic. He will come and fix your tire. But until he gets here I need you to be brave."

So they called Mike the Mechanic, who rushed over quickly. He fixed Lampy's tire. He put more air in it and patched it up. Lampy was a little scared still, but he was brave. When he had been fixed, he thanked his friend Mike, and he thanked the man who came outside to help him. Lampy said that from now on he would always pay attention to where he was going. And if something did happen, we would stay calm and call for help.

THE END





So that is one of our Lampy stories. There are many more, and I am sure they will popular here for years to come.

Gift giving guide

The holiday season is almost upon us. I know it can be difficult to find the perfect gift. So for those of you in need of assistance, I have compiled a little "catalogue." Some of these are so you know what NOT to give. I have scoured the internet for some of the most interesting gift ideas.

For the avid gardener in your life why not get the Bug Stopper Top. Stylish and effective!

Both in the category of most obnoxious things to wake up to:

It's the Drum Set Alarm. Wakes you up to a rousing drum solo. Drums not your thing? Try the Shocking Alarm Clock. It gives off a lovely alarm noise and when you touch it to turn it off it emits a jolt of electricity.

For the animal lover on your list: The Humunga Tongue! Want to play with your dog and humiliate him at the same time? Well, now you're in luck, it's a ball, it's a tongue, it's Humunga Tongue.

Feeling stressed out from the holidays? Can't get to the spa? Want to commnicate with extra-terrestrials? Here's your solution: The Head Spa.

Do you know someone who deserves some comfort, yet you do not want them to slack off when it comes to housework? Try these comfortable yet practical Mop Slippers.

Seriously, the fart machine #1 was so huge there had to be a #2?

Want to scare the poo out of someone when they go for some T.P? Here is the Talking Toilet Tissue Roll! Remind someone to replace the empty roll, or just give them a scare, you can record your message, and this device will activate and play it when the roll is pulled.

Are your hands tired out from old fashioned "rock-paper-scissors"? With this electronic Rock-Paper-Scissors, you will never get hand cramps again!

Busy, working woman? No time to bother with conventional panty-hose? With Nyce Legs you just spray and go! Yes, nylons in a can.

For the amateur scientist who has everything, and is not satisfied with his current dental hygeine products, the Create Your Own Toothpaste Kit. Really, what more can you say?

Believe it or not, all of these are real products. And are available for purchase at various web-stores. I hope this inspired you to find some creative gifts for your loved ones this year.

Times they are a-changin

Yes, time has changed. We set our clocks back an hour on Saturday night in observance of the end of Daylight Savings Time. I must say that it is not correct to state that we "gain" an hour. I heard many a "hooray an extra hour of sleep." Let me just tell you that 5 year olds and 2 year olds are rebellious. They do NOT follow that DST rule that you should fill that "extra" hour with sleep. On Sunday they were up at 6:30. And why not? It was light; they had all the hours of sleep required. So, now they are very, very tired by 6:30pm, and they still want to wake up at 6:30 am every morning. When will they adjust?

In the defense of DST I must admit, that when you HAVE to get up early it is easier to do so if it is not pitch dark. I was beginning to feel bad having to wake the kids up at 6:50 to get Calvin ready for school. It just felt so wrong.  It was so dark out and they were so tired. Now they are rarin' to go, even before the alarm goes off.

Here's a funny story:
When Zach and I were first married, we moved from Hawaii to Santa Barbara, California. Hawaii does not observe Daylight Savings Time. We had only been there a few months, we did not have TV or listen to the radio much. So when the time changed, we had no idea. One Sunday morning we woke up rushed as usual to get ready for church, and ran out the door without breakfast, so as not to be late. We got to church, and for some really strange reason the parking lot was still full and there was nobody outside. It took a while before we realised what had happened. We had gotten there and the first service was still in progress. So we went home and ate breakfast and came back at the new "right" time. I can assure you, that never happened again.

I guess over all the whole DST is a good thing. I just wish this family would hurry up and adjust.

Like Deja Vu, Only Better

You do not get many second chances in life. I am happy to say though this week, I did. About 8 years ago when Zach and I were living in Honolulu, we went to a Wynton Marsalis concert. By some crazy good luck we got seats in the 2nd row. You could almost feel the spit off his trumpet. It was fantastic. Unfortunately, I do not remember much more than that. I do remember he opened the show with the standard "Take the A Train." After that it is pretty much a blur. You see, I got a migraine. I did not want to leave the concert early. We paid good money for the tickets. Also I knew Zach had really been looking forward to it; I did not want to disappoint him. So, I spent the remainder of the evening closing my eyes, trying really hard not to cry or vomit. I succeeded in not vomiting, but I am sure I cried a little. As soon as the show was over we ran out of the arena and to the car. We ran into some acquaintances from Kauai, who I am sure thought we were terribly rude as we nearly ignored them.
So when we heard Wynton Marsalis was coming here to Roanoke, we could not pass up the chance to see him again. This time I was prepared though. I made sure that I carried medicine in my purse in case of any problems. Thankfully I did not have to use it. We enjoyed a fantastic concert, headache free! Our seats were not quite as good this time around, but it was good all the same.

Corban's 1st Hokie game

Yes, we took Corban to his first Virginia Tech football game. I wouldn't say it was a complete failure, but I wouldn't say it was entirely successful either. He had a great time tail-gating. What's not to like, all the food you can eat, most of it junk food? That sounds like Corban's dream come true. Unfortunately, by the time the game started he was about worn out. We got to the parking lot around around 10:30am, headed to the stadium around 12:45, kick-off was at 1:30. It also meant he would miss his nap; not a great idea when you combine that with extreme over stimulation. Calvin loves the excitement, the crowd, the noise, everything about it. Corban is not so much a people person. He was a little freaked out, I think. The band during the pre-game performance kept his interest. The Apache helicopter fly-over kept his interest. The Hokie bird (mascot) kept his interest, but that is about it. He climbed from person to person, over and over. With each person change he would try to lie down a little, then get distracted and move to someone else. Every time the Hokies scored, they fire the cannon. He jumped out of the arms of whoever was holding him each time. He just couldn't get used to that, and couldn't realize what made it happen. So, he made it (barely) till half-time. Zach and I took him back down to the car for some rest. Nana and Neds let Calvin stay in the stadium with them. He made it mid-way through the third quarter.
Over all, it was fun, and it was certainly a learning experience. I learned Corban will need to wait a few years before we try to take him again. I learned it is very difficult to pay attention to a football game when there is a toddler climbing all over you. And Zach learned it is not easy carrying a 45lb kid on your shoulders up many many flights of stairs.




The boys tail gating


Some people take this VERY seriously




The popcorn kept him busy for about 5 minutes



2 Apache helicopters doing a fly over

A few of the 66,000 in attendance, and the Highty Tighties

(Corp of Cadets) band on the field

Building and Growing

I took the kids to Lowe's this morning. Every other Saturday they have their "Build and Grow" workshops for kids. This is one of my favorite things to do with the boys. It's really a fantastic thing that Lowe's does for the community. They have little tables set up and they have pre packaged projects. In the bag they have all the pieces with pre drilled holes for the nails. They have a set of plans to follow and hammers for all the kids. They also give the kids aprons and safety goggles to keep. Each time you complete a project, they give you a patch to sew on your apron. Best of all, you get a snack and a juice box when you're done. And most importantly, it's free! There are all kinds of projects they've made: a squirrel feeder, a valentine mailbox, a few kinds of trucks, a measuring tape, a few different games, and today they made a firetruck. Some of the projects are pretty difficult for the carpentry challenged, like myself. But most of the time, they are pretty simple.
My boys really look forward to "Lowe's day" as they call it. Usually, I do Corban's first. On days I'm feeling really brave, I let him try to hammer a few of the nails. I do Corban's as a kind of a practice, because I usually mess it up a little, but learn how to do it right by the time I do Calvin's. So, while Corban is watching, and "helping" me, Calvin is talking to any other kid nearby who will listen. When I finish with Corban's, he then has a new toy that will keep him busy while I work with Calvin. Calvin has gotten pretty good with the hammer. He does all his own hammering. The only problem is that he gets distracted fairly easily. Sometimes he gets so caught up in what's going on around him, he forgets what he's doing. Unfortunately, he does not stop hammering. That generally makes for some sore fingers on my part! But when he keeps focused, he is pretty good. I really think it is a great thing to get kids interested in building. Even if they don't do a whole lot, they really feel like they've built it themselves. They are so proud of their creations. They love to get the patches and have me sew them on the aprons. Calvin has a box that he keeps all his Lowe's projects in, to keep them safe. They really get into it.

Child's Play

One of my favorite things is to watch my kids playing. I like to play with them too, but it is so much more fun to just observe, especially when they don't realize you are watching. That's how I get a lot of quotable Calvin material. I am always amazed with what, and how they play. I know that cliche, if you give a kid a fancy toy they play with the toy for ten minutes, then play with box for a week. Well, it is so true. While my kids enjoy their fancy toys, they find fun in the simplest of things. I could not even begin to count the number of hours they have spent playing with rocks in the creek. It really is one of their favorite activities. Sometimes they just like to throw them and watch the splash. Other times, they like to find different shapes and turn them into things. They like to find the really flat ones and pretend it's a blackboard, then find a pencil-like one to draw with. They've had many conversations on rock "cell phones" as well. The last time we were at the creek they each found one that looked (in their eyes) like a guitar. So, I took a "pencil" and drew strings and a sound hole and such. They sang and played guitar for a long time. Then we had a full day of puns about them being a "rock" band and such. Most boys have an uncanny ability to turn any object into a firearm. My boys do their share of that. But even more often they turn every object into a guitar. And in the event there is no object, they have both perfected their "air-guitar.". They like to have concerts and sing songs. Calvin has become pretty good at songwriting. A few weeks ago he was sitting around with his harmonica singing the blues. He spontaneously wrote a blues song for an attorney friend, Mr. Dan. He would sing a line something like this: "stuck in court all day long, don't got no way out". Then he would blow on the harmonica. I laughed so hard that I cried.

Now that Corban is talking more, his play is getting more fun too. He has a game where he will say, "Eat bugs?". He will pretend to eat like Cookie Monster. Then he will make his word for dirty which is mostly un-spellable, but would look something like this: "Cccchhhhhkkkk". He will then say, "Spit out". He can play that game all day.
The sad thing is, I feel I have missed so many opportunities to see them play. There have been so many times I felt too busy, like the dishes or laundry or whatever chore was so urgent or overwhelming. I know this stage of play won't last forever, so I'm trying hard to enjoy it as often as I can.

Where have I been?

I know It has been a while since I have posted. Things have been just slightly overwhelming the last few weeks. Calvin started school last week. Of course, he loves it. I on the other hand am having a hard time dealing with it. It is difficult on so many levels. I am getting more used to it though. Things are better this week. The first week my plan was to just keep really busy. So, I kind of drowned myself in activities. By Thursday, I was really regretting that tactic. I was then not only overwhelmed emotionally, but physically as well. So, I decided this week to slow it down, a lot! You might think as much as Calvin talks, he would have a lot to say about his days at school. Well, contrary to logic, trying to get any information out of him is nearly impossible. So far, all I know is that he wants to marry the girl who sits across from him, because he is in love with her. Anytime I ask about what he learned, he is suddenly at a loss for words. First he tried to tell me that his teacher did not even try to teach anything. I said if that were the case I would have to call her and ask why she was not teaching anything. So, then he said she did teach things, but he just could not remember them. I have heard that this non-communication is pretty typical, I just never expected it from Calvin.
Corban on the other hand. Well, he cries every morning when we drop Calvin off. He says he wants to go too. I do not buy that for a second. He does not understand that it would mean having to leave mom, while also entrusting himself to the care of people who are not mom. And in Corban's world, that would be panic inducing. If I so much as make a move towards my shoes he starts to hyperventilate and convulse. That is really not an exaggeration. I will say though, that since Calvin has started school Corban is a different kid, at least while his brother is gone. He is so quiet and mellow you would hardly believe it. But he really does miss him. He gets all excited when it is time to go pick him up. Which is strange given the way they treat each other the second they are reunited.
It will be interesting to see how things continue to develop as the year goes on. Hopefully it won't take that long for us to all get used to all these changes.

Quotable Calvin

One night as I was putting Calvin to bed, we were just chatting. Calvin looked at me and asked, "Why does Daddy have hair inside his nose that comes out?" I explained that it just happens like that when you are a grown-up. He got all excited and said, "When I am a grown-up, will I have hair in my nose too?"
I guess we all have different things we look forward to.

One afternoon while sitting around Calvin looked at me and said, "If you are alive and not dead, when I'm a grown up, will you come and visit me where I live?"

Last week I told Calvin that it was Mommy and Daddy's anniversary. I told him when it was and what it meant. The next day I overheard Calvin say to Corban; "Corban today is the most special day, you know why?" I thought to myself, how sweet he remembered it was our anniversary. I was just in the middle of that thought when I heard the rest of the conversation. Calvin went on to say it was the most special day because Nana was coming over to babysit them. Corban, of course, agreed that it was a very special thing.

I have accepted the fact that Calvin is quite scared of bugs. But apparently he is also afraid of plants now. Earlier this week, we were up at Craig's Creek. As we walked along the bank I could hear him behind me saying with each step, "One, two, three, four...not poison oak. One, two, three...POISON OAK, POISON OAK!" He did that with each plant he saw. I mean, it is one thing to be aware, but this seems excessive.

This afternoon we were playing outside in the yard when he yelled; "Mom, Mom, a poisonous tomato!" I had to think about that for a while. I eventually realised that there was a mushroom growing in the grass. Maybe five minutes later, I heard him giving Corban a stern warning not to touch the poisonous tomatoes or he would die.

Memories

Zach and I will be celebrating our 10th anniversary this August. Around our anniversary, I always enjoy reminiscing about our friendship, courtship and wedding. So I thought I would just share some of my fondest memories. This time I will share about how we met and started dating.
When I was in 11th grade, Zach was just getting back from his stay at Bible school in England. The very first time I noticed him, he was showing our Bible study group his pictures from his recent trip to Israel. Then, he sort of came and went for a while. While he was gone I became good friends with Zach's best friend. I was also trying to learn how to play bass guitar. Someone mentioned that this guy named Zach was selling his bass amp, and gave me his phone number. I called and some lady with a southern accent answered the phone (which stands out in Hawaii), and took the message that I wanted to buy his amp. A few days later, we met formally when I bought his amp for $100.00. Not long after, Zach and our mutual friend (who was living at his house) were hanging out together every day. After a short time of this, I realised that I liked him. So, I started praying about him, diligently. He was pretty much all I thought about. After about a month, pretty much everyone who knew me, knew that I liked Zach. Except Zach. We still did everything together as friends. We even started a small band. It was silly but fun. Meanwhile Zach was planning on going away to California for college the next spring. I didn't know what I was going to do. I thought about writing him a letter, letting him know how I felt. Not that it would do any good, but at least I would get my feelings off my chest. I would constantly be asking my girlfriends if they thought he liked me. Of course they would all say, "Yeah, he totally does!" That year for Halloween we decided to dress up as our "glam" rock band. Zach came by the school at lunch time (by surprise) to go shopping to find costumes. I was sitting in the cafeteria and 6 hysterical girls came running in telling me Zach was here and looking for ME. I could hardly contain my excitement. Shortly after Halloween, I came to the realisation that he was obviously not interested in me. It never occurred to me that perhaps he didn't know I liked him. I was sure he knew. I became convinced that he just wanted to be friends. So, I officially gave up. I told myself I was over it and was going to move on. Well, maybe a day or two after that, Zach was getting ready to go to his college classes in the morning. His dad pulled him aside and told him something like, "You know Zach, I think that girl Sophie has a crush on you." The next day after our High School Bible Study meeting, he pulled me aside and asked if it was true. I very calmly (though I was shaking like a leaf, and my heart was beating like a hammer) told him that it was true. Shortly thereafter, we were officially "dating." Needless to say, he postponed going to school that Spring. The rest, as they say, is history.

Pictures of Vegas

This is THE Hotel


New York New York

Not sure what "religious nightlife" is

Apparently there are dieties of

adult beverages, her title is

"tequila goddess"

View from our hotel window

at sunset

Fountain show at the Bellagio

Billboard right before you enter the strip

Outside of our hotel "Treasure Island"

Inside atrium at the Bellagio

each piece is a handblown glass flower

Eiffel Tower

Inside the Venetian they have a sky that changes

with the outside sky

Gondolators gondolating

There is redemption in Vegas

This giant clown was a little scary



You may have noticed that all the daytime pictures were taken from a car window. It was too hot to walk around outside, except at night. Even at night it was still HOT but slightly less unbearable.

What Happens in Vegas..........Goes on my Blog (part 2)

So we are back from Las Vegas and it is good to be home. We had a good time. It was very nice to be able to spend time with some old friends. But in reflecting on the whole Vegas experience, I have come to the conclusion that you could sum up the city in two words: excess and extreme. Every thing is done to the extreme and in excess. The heat is extreme and excessive. The buildings are extreme and excessive. The prices of everything are extreme and excessive. They charge you for things that would be free anywhere else you go. They even charge you for air! Well, you can pay for air if you want, every hotel that we saw has an oxygen bar, where you essentially pay money to breathe. The food portions are extreme and excessive. The noise is extreme and excessive. There is constant noise EVERYEHERE, music is blasted at all hours in every space. The waste and consumption are extreme and excessive. The debauchery is extreme and excessive.
What also struck me is the psychology behind everything. Like the placement and layout of casinos. Every aspect of a hotel and casino is calculated to make the maximum amount of money possible. Casinos are like giant mazes because they want you to get lost inside. They figure you will give up trying to find the exit and you will decide to spend money instead.
We really did not do any gambling, it is just not our kind of thing. But we did have fun. We saw some excellent shows. We saw Cirque de Soliel, the show was called Mystere. It was so amazing and creative. The things that they do are pretty unbelievable.

We also saw the Blue Man Group. It was nothing like we expected. All I have ever seen of them is there PVC instrumentation and some drumming. But it was more a comedy show with bits of that mixed in. It was very impressive, eccentric, and entertaining.

So all in all we had a good time. I will post some pictures in a separate entry.

What happens in Vegas......Goes on my blog (part 1)

So we made it here to Las Vegas. The plane ride was uneventful, which by today's standards is pretty spectacular. We got to the airport here and I was surprised by the number of slot machines. I knew there were slot machines in the airport; I have seen enough movies to know that. However, it was if they had 10,000 extra slot machines they didn't know what to do with so, they built an airport around them. The other thing you notice as you walk through the airport is the constant "dingalinaling" sound from said slot machines. It seems if you had to listen to that all day every day, it would surely cause some sort of long term psychological damage. There are also a lot of large billboards around (even in the airport) that I'm glad I don't have to explain to Calvin. I had known it was going to be hot here, but I was surprised by what 110 degrees really feels like. One of our best friends and his wife live out here in Vegas. He explained that it is a lot like being in an oven. I've never been in an oven, but I would agree that this is probably what it would be like. I've always heard people say that it is a "dry heat", so it's not that bad. While I agree it would be worse if there were any type of humidity, 110 is still 110! So, there you have a glimpse of the first day Vegas. I will update more and post some pictures (I already took abouy 95) when we get home.

No Anti-Dentite Here

We have one anti-dentite in the family. Well, they are not so much against dentists as people, just what they do to you. I was a little afraid that Calvin would inherit or pick up on this trait. But my fears were relieved when I took him to the dentist this week. He had to get his first x-rays, and he did a great job of that. Although he said that the lead apron (it had a big smiley face on it) should really have an angry face instead. He very much enjoyed getting to hold and operate the spit sucker outer (I have no idea of the technical term for that instrument). The only problem came when they put the fluoride tray in, he remembered from last time that he did not like it, so I am sure much of it was psychological. So he took about 15 minutes trying to decide which flavor to choose, because he didn't want any of them. Finally I told him I would choose for him, so he very quickly said "grape." The second the hygienist put the tray in , he started to gag. Anyone who knows Calvin knows that his gag reflex has a hair trigger, he throws up ALL the time. She took it out and painted the fluoride on instead, I was proud of him for not throwing up. Something about the little toothbrushes they give you at the dentist made him incredibly excited to brush his teeth. He brushed all the way home. I kept trying to get him to feel how clean his teeth were and enjoy that feeling. Hopefully, in the future he will remember that, and perhaps enjoy getting his teeth cleaned and look forward to going to the dentist. After the appointment, I had to go to Wal-Mart to do some grocery shopping. I told Calvin he could pick out a new DVD because he did so well at the dentist. It took him all of 5 seconds to see that he wanted the second Pirates of the Caribbean movie. He carried it the whole time in the store. Every person he saw, he stopped and showed them his new DVD. He would tell them all about his trip to the dentist and seeing pictures of his teeth. If he had not stopped to talk to people, it would have taken 30 minutes less to get done with our shopping.

So I know that Calvin is okay with the dentist. Now, it is Corban I am worried about, as he has a general mistrust of anyone outside of his immediate family. He really dislikes the doctor, even though he has never had any bad experiences. All the doctor has to do is glance at him from across the room and Corban is clinging to me for his life, howling in fear. It is not a pleasant experience. Maybe we can wait awhile before I have to take Corban dentist. Or, maybe Daddy can take him!

Quotable Calvin

I know it has been awhile since my last post. It has been a very busy few weeks. First, there was soccer camp for Calvin. It was really fun. They may not have learned a whole lot about soccer, but they had a good time. It was 2 hours a day for 4 days. His group was age 3-5, so as you can imagine most of the time was spent on water, potty, and snack breaks with a few soccer skills learned in between. Then we had our church youth (high school) camp which Zach and I were in charge of. It was a lot fun and I think the kids had a good time. Needless to say, I came home very tired anf not wanting to cook again for a long time! Now, we leave again in a few days. Zach and I are off to Las Vegas in celebration of our 10th wedding anniversary (which is not actually till Aug.1 but this is the time we could get). So, I know the title said quotable Calvin, but I just wanted to fill you in on things.
Without further ado:

One morning while sitting at the breakfast table Calvin said, "Girls are good at shopping and cooking breakfast". What I think he meant was, "Girls are good at so many things, there are too many to name, but I appreciate it most when Mom takes me shopping and cooks me breakfast". I will give him the benefit of the doubt.

On our way to soccer camp we had the following discussion:
Calvin: Hey Mom, I just saw a turtle up in a tree.
Me: Probably not Calvin, I don't think a turtle could climb up in a tree.
Calvin: Yeah they can, they just do it slower.
Me: No, I really don't think they can climb.
Calvin: Well, then I just saw a turtle that wind blew him up in a tree. Would the turtle get a splinter in his shell?
Me: No, turtles shells are hard.
Calvin: How do you get splinters?
Me: Little pieces of wood break off and stick under your skin.
Calvin: And in your fingernails.
Me: No your fingernails are hard, wood wouldn't stick in them.
Calvin: But if you just cut them, they would be soft and you would get a splinter.

We were in the car with some friends, Calvin and his friend Matt were sitting next to each other when Matt called to his mom that Calvin had hit him. I asked Calvin if he hit his friend and Calvin said, "but it didn't hurt". I explained that it is never okay to hit, especially your friends, so Calvin said, "yeah, but I did it slowly." And that makes it better?

Before Zach and I left for the camp-out at Craig's Creek Calvin had a warning for me, he said: "Mom, you should be careful at Craig's Creek, that place is magic, it changed me into scared."

When Calvin was getting dressed a few mornings ago he told me he had a very sad dream the last night, I asked him to tell me what happened and this is what he said: "I had a dream that I was playing at the BAC (our gym) and I had a magic wand. I accidentally changed all the kids I was playing with into lava pots (I am not exactly sure what that is but I assume a vessel filled with lava) and I kept wishing and I could change them back, because I wasn't very good at it."
I agreed it was sad, but I said that the good news was, that it was just a dream and he said: "Yeah, but the better news was, that in my dream you came to get me and you had a magic wand too, and you changed us all back."
I am still not sure if this really was something he had dreamt, but it sounded like it could have been. I am sure it must have been sad to him at the time. But it was also kind of funny!

Cry Me A River

I have come to realise that I am a cry baby! For a long time I have passed it off as just having overactive tear glands or something like that, but I think I just have to come to terms with it. I was reading a book the other day and I kind of sniffled my way through the first few chapters. By the 4th or 5th chapter I had to put the book down because I was literally sobbing. I felt like such a dork. I had to leave the room because the kids were looking at me like I was crazy; Corban even started to get a little freaked out. I had to make a trip to the grocery store after that so I wore my big sunglasses all through Kroger. I got some interesting looks.
But, if it was just this one book I wouldn't be so worried. It is everything these days. For the past year or so, Calvin and I have been reading through the Chronicles Of Narnia series. This is my 3rd time reading through them. Sure enough, each time in the Lion The Witch and the Wardrobe when Aslan dies, I cry. So, there I am trying to read it out loud to Calvin, trying to hold myself together; it's pathetic. There are also parts in each of the other books that give me trouble(generally having to do with Aslan). In my own defense, it is a very moving allegory! My problem really doesn't stop at books, though. There are many movies, even TV shows that cause the water to turn on. There are the human interest stories in the "news", and that really sad phone company commercial (okay, that one was a joke). I even cry when I laugh. I always have. It does not make sense. Just yesterday, a couple of friends had me laughing so much I was crying.
Other than the laughing problem, I do not think I have always been this much of an emotional wreck. I am pretty sure it got worse after I had Calvin, then worse yet when I had Corban. It really doesn't make sense.
So, if you see me in Kroger sometime with bloodshot eyes and a red face, wearing sunglasses inside, it probably means I was just reading a good book.

Quotable Calvin

Yes, it is time again for another installment of quotable Calvin. There've been more than a few times in the last few weeks where he has said something that I knew would be perfect for a "Quotable Calvin". I thought to myself, "That is so funny, I won't forget it!" Lo and behold, many were forgotten. So, I've decided that I'd keep a pen and paper with me at all times to write down funny stuff (because my memory is about as sharp as a balloon). So, here are some of the ones I've written down.

Most of the things Calvin says are out of the blue, with zero context. Probably 90% of his funniest stuff is said in the car. A little while ago he asked, "How do you get a wife?" I said in disbelief, "A wife?" He replied, "Yeah, how do you get a wife, and what happens if you can't get one?" I tried to assured him that I do not think he will have any trouble getting a wife when the time comes.

Sometimes Calvin asks pretty deep questions. Once, he asked Zach why it's bad to have TOO many toys, because toys are good (right?). Zach gave him a very in depth profound answer at the end of which Calvin said, "Yeah, and did you know Spongebob can take his feet all the way off and put them on again?" It feels good to know he is paying attention. Hopefully, something will sink-in someday.

One morning, while I was changing one of Corban's very smelly diapers, Calvin asked Zach if he could have some of his deodorant. Zach gave him some, Calvin came out of the bathroom, lifted up his arms and asked, "How do I smell?" I told him he smelled like a man. He waved his hand in front of his nose and said, "Whew, and Corban smells like a grown-up!" Let me just say, if that is what a grown-up smells like, I don't want to ever be one.

I was driving the kids somewhere and was about to make a turn when Calvin said, "Watch out! Cowboys sail these waters for miles around." Later that evening I was relating the story to his Nana when he exclaimed, "I didn't want you to tell that to anyone! Oh well, just put it in your blog." This--from a four-year-old?

This afternoon, he and Zach were going somewhere when out of the blue he stated, "I'm really glad that golf carts do not have doors." I really don't know where that came from. He's never ridden in a golf cart (to the best of my knowledge).

Yesterday, he was telling me about different TV shows that his Nana lets him watch. He was telling me about a particular one (I could not understand what he said the name or story line was), but then he said, "...but that show is not apopiate, so I never watched it." I'm pretty sure he meant "appropriate".

Tonight, he was talking on the phone to his Grandpa, and I am not sure what my dad asked Calvin, but his response was, "Well, I like race cars and rifles, that sort of stuff, but the thing I do not like is shotguns. I love rifles, but I hate shotguns."
Apparently the boy has some pretty strong opinions about his firearms (of which, he has none)!

Mommy Jeopardy

Here is a fun game, I will give you an answer and you try to guess the question. It's just like Jeopardy! Are you ready?

1) Torn-up Kleenex, graham crackers, 653 toys, 4 half empty water bottles, dirty socks, a can of Campbells soup.

What are things on my van floor right now?

2) Febreeze, a vacuum, Clorox wipes, 15 plastic Kroger bags.

What are things I keep in my van (on purpose)?

3) 92 loose pennies, a diaper, a magnet shaped like the #9, a Virginia Tech ticket from the 1993 Tech vs. Miami game, a peanut, and 6 gum wrappers.

What are the things in my purse right now?

4) Money, a train, food of every kind.

What are the things I have found while changing diapers?

5) Bugs, chalk, sand, rocks, his brother.

What are things I have had to stop Corban from trying to eat?
(He has been successful though with the sand, and most likely some bugs).

6) Kobe, Poke, Mele, Cocoa.

What are dogs that Calvin pretends to be?

7) Pizza, french fries, peanut butter and jelly sandwich, eggs and bacon, ice and bread, and some fruit.

What are the only foods Corban will eat, not counting candy because candy is REALLY not a food! ?

8) The van, the van , the van , the van, the van, every room in the house.

Where are the places Calvin has thrown-up?

9) Stink bugs, a toothbrush, 63 sheets of wipes (at one time), and his hands.

What are things Corban has put in the toilet?

10) 7,635.

What is the number of times Corban has screamed today?

Truth In Advertising

Some number of months ago, I was getting ready to go somewhere. I let Calvin go downstairs and watch TV, while I was getting ready. I assumed that he was busy watching the Disney channel. When I came down about 20 minutes later he asked me, "Mommy do you want to buy the Worx GT?" To which I replied, "what?" Calvin answered, "the Worx GT, Mom. You can fold it to fit easy into the back of your car; it can go under play equipment, and you don't even have to pay any money right now!" At that point, I looked at the TV and noticed that he had been watching an infomercial for that entire time.
That was the first time I had seen him very interested in an infomercial, but certainly not the last. For some reason, he really likes watching infomercials and has asked me if I need countless other products. So, after that we started talking about how commercials are not always exactly truthful, and they usually just want to sell you a product that you don't need. He has been trying hard to be discerning when it comes to these commercials. Almost every one that he sees now (unless of course, it is for a toy or breakfast cereal, which would of course improve his quality of life immediately and without question), he asks whether they are telling the truth or not. I try to point out some of the things they show you that are misleading, like how they make ordinary tasks seem more difficult, so you think you can not live without said product.


Yesterday a commercial came on for the Buxton Organizer bag.


In the middle of the commercial Calvin said emphatically, "They are lying, you don't need that. They just want to take our money, I will NEVER let them take our money!"
I know that discernment will come more with age, but this is a start!

A Fun Trip

Well, I shouldn't say it was a fun trip. Being there was really fun, but the actual driving trip part was not so fun. It never is. The way up to Williamsburg was okay; we left right after church. I was sure that Corban would take a little nap in the car, but I should have known that thinking that always means it won't happen. So, that was the only problem on the way up. We got there and hit Busch Gardens hard! Unfortunately, that meant that we did not get back to the hotel until around 9:00pm. So, the kids did not get to bed until 9:15, but of course they woke up at 6:30 the next morning. However, we had such a good time at Busch Gardens. One of the best parts was watching the kids experience it; seeing the joy and amazement on their faces was so much fun for me. When we were there Sunday evening, I was still a little queasy from the car ride, so I decided I wanted to wait till Monday to ride the Griffon (the CRAZY big roller coaster). We got to the park a little before they opened on Monday, and Zach and I headed straight for the Griffon. We were one of the first ones in line. We rode it, and I did not want to sit in front, so we sat in the middle. It was not quite as scary as it was the first time we rode it last year. We got off and were feeling emboldened, and there was still no line, so we rode it again. This time though, we sat in the front row! It was a whole different experience sitting in the front. The Griffon takes you up (slowly) about 205 feet then dangles you there for what seems like 5 minutes, then drops you straight down. It was really fun. This video hardly does it justice, but is the best I could find.


Like I said, the kids had a great time. There was really so much for them to do. They rode all the kiddie rides a couple of times. The only problems were that it was really hot and was really sensory overload for both them. By mid-day they were having pretty massive meltdowns. So, we headed for home about 4:30pm. Calvin was talking really slowly, and his conversations were fewer and farther between then normal. I was still able to get some really good material for the next "quotable Calvin" installment. His behavior was pretty normal except that about every 15 minutes he would let a huge sob and say how he missed the hotel and wanted to live there forever. He also kept asking me if I had remembered various objects in hopes that I had forgotten something and would have to go back to the hotel, thinking maybe if we went back to the hotel we would have to stay. But we eventually got home, close to 9:30pm. The kids are still suffering the effects of being wildly off schedule for a couple of days. It is not fun, but they are starting to get better. Here are a few pictures of the kids enjoying themselves.

This is them at the start of the day ready for fun!

This is them after lunch where it started to get rough!

This is the end of the day when they were too exhausted to move

Here they are having the time of their life!

Quotable Calvin Part II

Like I said in the previous post, there is no lack of funny material from Calvin. Here are some more quotes.

On a particularly challenging day Calvin asked for some candy and I told him he really did not deserve any, so he replied, "Well, God gives us things we don't deserve". How could I argue with that? He got the candy, but that only works once!

Lately we've had MANY conversations about meat and what kind of food comes from certain animals. One day he told me, "some people eat deer meat, and chicken and steak comes from deer too." Of course I corrected him, but it was by no means the end of meat conversations. A week or so later Zach was explaining to him that pig meat is called pork and cow meat is called beef, etc. Calvin jumped in and let us know that chicken meat is called chicken, but then asked, "What do you call wolf meat?"

One morning Calvin was explaining to me all the things he knows (which according to him is everything)and he told me, "I know everything about monsters, and trucks, and monster trucks."

The other day I came home from getting my hair done. As I walked in, Calvin looked up at me and said, "You look prettier than you used to." I was not entirely sure if this was a compliment or not! I think I will give him the benefit of the doubt.

This morning after Calvin had finished his egg he asked for another egg. I told Zach that he would've eaten 2 eggs had I fixed them. Calvin replied, "Yeah, 2 eggs are better than one." Now, I'm sure he didn't mean it to sound like the old saying about 2 heads being better than one, but the way he said it sounded like he meant to.

Calvin loves knock-knock jokes. Unfortunately, he can't quite grasp how to tell one. The first one he ever heard was the one that says "orange you glad I didn't say banana again." So, now every time he tells a knock-knock joke it goes something like this (but with a different subject every time):
Calvin: knock knock
Me: Who's there?
Calvin: Window
Me: Window who?
Calvin: Aren't you glad I didn't say window?
Me: But you did say window.
Calvin: Mom, it's a knock-knock joke.
At that point, I usually try to explain the concept of a knock-knock joke. However, it is obvious to me he hasn't gotten it because he just told that one again yesterday!

Seriously, And A Funny Video

Those of you who read my blog know that I generally keep things light and humorous, but there is something that has been really weighing on my mind for a while. I thought if I blogged it out, I might feel better. Zach and I came to a decision a while ago that we need to put Calvin in school. I have always had a very strong desire to home school my kids. However, for several personal reasons and after much prayer and consideration and seeking wise counsel, we have decided that at least for this year, we shouldn't home school. I have had to come to realise that it can't be about what I "want", or even about what I think is best for Calvin. It ultimately comes down to what God desires in me and how He can best be glorified in our family. I have to trust that in the end no matter what decision I make, God will receive all glory.
But now comes the hard part. I have to take action, and I just have not been able to bring myself to do it. I have not been able to make myself start the enrollment process, even though I know the longer I wait the harder it will be.

But, I always try to find the humor in life when I can. I saw this video on TV and it reminded me that laughter is the best medicine.

...Although, I have to warn you. It's on the darker, British side of the comedy spectrum.



If I could get a mad libs answering machine I would.

Quotable Calvin

So here by popular demand (okay, one person made a suggestion) I have compiled some of the funniest things I have heard Calvin say. Those of you who know Calvin know that he talks NON-STOP; he even talks in his sleep. A friend of mine has a brother who the family would say he lies awake at night thinking about what to say the next day. I am quite convinced that the same is true of Calvin. I have also found that what is in his brain usually comes out of his mouth in real time, which makes for some good material. Some of these are bits of conversations. Some are just random thoughts, and others were just overheard by accident.

One day while riding in the car, Calvin had a string of random thoughts that came out one after the other, with no time for response from me in between.
"Why are some transformers bad transformers? These are nice houses, I bet they are on sale. Why do babies have to get shots some times?"

The other morning I came downstairs to see both boys playing very nicely together (which is rare), and Calvin said, "See Mom how nice we are playing together? Your punishments are really working, but your warnings don't work at all."

One random observation to Grandpa, "When kids are bad, they get a spankings from their parents. When grown-ups are naughty they get spanked by God."

A lunch time conversation between Calvin and a friend Paul-
Calvin: "I love olives."
Paul: "I don't like olives."
Calvin: "Do you know why you don't like olives? Because you haven't tried them. If you tried them, you would like them."

Making up a random song: "Today O day O day, today is the day we're gonna see God, in the military of the Lord."

Calvin calls the sunlight that comes through the window "sun puddles". Zach thinks that is poetic brilliance.

He was playing and said he was the "Sheriff-in-law".

Playing with two toys, making them talk to each other:
Toy 1: "Is this heaven?"
Toy 2: "No, this is Craig's Creek!"

Today Zach was saying how taking care of children takes years off your life. Calvin commented, "Well, Mom takes care of us so she is getting ooooold."

So much comes out of Calvin's mouth almost 24 hours a day, the hardest part is remembering it, especially when you're ooooold and your memory is failing like mine!

Buggin Out

I am terribly afraid of bugs, and for good reason. I am somehow a serious bug magnet. If there is something that bites or stings, or generally brings discomfort, history has shown it is coming after me! I've had too many instances to recall to list here. However, I have really tried hard not to pass this fear on to my children. I do not freak out unnecessarily over bugs; I will even kill a bug (if Zach is not home). But somehow my children have subliminally picked up on my phobia and are well on their way to being neurotic as well. Whenever either of them see a bug, be it an ant or hornet, they flip out and yell for Dada to come kill the bug. Yes, they know I am not the one to call for bug problems. Corban will come running and say "bu bu bu dada dada dada", then he will keep pointing to the spot where it was seen, repeating "bu bu dada dada" for the next week.



Like I said, I really have good reasons for liking bugs. I lived in Hawaii for many years and there are SERIOUS bugs there. Lots and lots of cockroaches, in fact 18 different kinds! Here is some more cockroach data:

1. There are 18 different kinds of roaches in Hawaii, and they all can be found in the back of your favorite plate lunch place. The most common in Hawaii is the American cockroach (da B52 Bomber type).2. Roaches prefer humid, dark places where food is readily available (i.e. your favorite plate lunch plate).3. Females lay their egg cases in dark hiding places. Each egg case (not Ed Case!) carries about 40 little roach eggs in it. Gestation time is quick, and the little ones usually hatch at three weeks. They can put out as much as 8 egg cases in a year.4. Roaches have been known to live for up to five years (I wonder how big that buggah gets?)5. Roaches can live without their heads for up to a month. (Roaches obviously don't need to think much). Actually, I know a few humans that have been running around without a head for years.6. It's hard to starve a roach to death. He'll eat anything, including the paste on your envelopes. (Think about that the next time you lick one).7. A roach tastes with his feet, so when he's walking all over your food he's actually deciding whether your cooking is palatable.8. Cockroach droppings aggravate allergies and the insects are known to carry multiple diseases. Definitely not good house pets or welcome visitors.9. Cockroaches bite... Nasty bites too! If you put your kids down to bed with food on their mouth or clothes, you are just inviting trouble. They have also been know to get moisture from sleeping peoples eyes and noses if they are dehydrated enough. UGGGGGHHH!



Well if that's not yucky enough for you, we also have the CENTIPEDE (a shudder just went through my body just typing the word). If you have not been to Hawaii and had the pleasure of seeing one for yourself here is a picture for you:

And don't think for a minute that these are like the lovable little millipede or caterpillar. They are not only much more disgusting, but they are EVIL. To kill one (if you can catch it) you have to cut it up into many pieces with scissors, or other sharp cutting implement, there is no other way. Their armored bodies prevent them from being squashed. They are also extremely aggressive and will pretty much just come after anyone or anything. Yes the bite hurts! Bad.

So, I guess the occasional stinkbug is really not so bad.

A Public Service Announcement

For those of you who were not aware, Mother's Day is right around the corner. I know it can be difficult to find the right gift, but I am here to help (so is Wikihow).


How to Find a Mother's Day Gift Without Paying a Lot of Money
Do you want to buy your mom a cool mother's day gift, but don't have the money to buy that $30 bouquet or that $50 makeup kit? Read this guide to help you!

Steps
You can make a really nice mother's day gift. Moms love it a lot. Maybe try to Create Perfume. Or, go to a nearby garden to pick some lovely flowers for your mom. (Please do not steal flowers from someones garden)
Make special coupons for like doing extra chores and special things. You will give your mom a nice, relaxing break from work! She'll feel really happy.
Pamper your mom! Give manicures and pedicures, facials, back rub, massages, and make a soothing bath.
You will want to make your mom happy. Don't act naughty or bad on her day or else you will give her the worst mothers day ever. (Slightly extreme)
Do all her work for her and make her do whatever she wants. Try to do things without being told. Serve your mom breakfast, cook dinner, set the table, clean the house etc. (good suggestion for wives too )

Tips
Moms love gifts you make. It shows love!
The more gifts to give her, the better!
Make her super happy and treat her super special like a "queen".

Warnings
Don't make her mad or else she'll have the worst mothers day ever.
Do everything you are told or you will make her mad.
Don't rush on your gift. It'll only make her mad. Consider making a gift ahead of time.

Things You'll Need
A nice attitude
Ability to do things for her
A nice mother's day present
Love

Those are some good suggestions, most of those are good for wives too (hint).
I must say that I do not need expensive presents (although I would not discourage it, if someone wanted to get me one). All I really want is to know that I am loved, appreciated and what I do is worthwhile. So something that expresses that sentiment (diamonds) would make a great gift (hint). Also I am a hopeless sentimental sap and I love when someone (hint) writes me poetry or records me songs.
I hope some of these HINTS will be helpful to you.

Happy Holidays

I have always loved obscure holidays. I try to check pretty often what holiday it is so I don't miss anything. Unfortunately I just missed National Shrimp Scampi Day. Yes, it was yesterday, April 29, and I did nothing to celebrate it. But it is okay to miss some holidays, because really every day is a holiday. Today is National Honesty Day. It is pretty sad that one would need a holiday as an excuse to be honest.
Just so you do not miss anything here are some more upcoming events:
May 2: International Tuba Day (I guess if you do not own a tuba you could listen to tuba music to celebrate. Seriously an international holiday for the tuba?)

May 3: Lumpy Rug Day (I do not know whether you would try to get lumps out of your rugs, or make your rugs more lumpy for this day)

May 4: National Candied Orange Peel Day (yummmmmm)

May 5: If you do not wish to celebrate Cinco De Mayo you can celebrate National Oyster Day (or make oyster tacos and kill 2 birds with one stone)

May 6: No Diet Day (which I really celebrate every day)

May 8: Iris Day (I put that one in for my niece Iris)

So that gets you through the next week. You should probably take a few days off after all that, to prepare for Mothers Day. Maybe this year instead of celebrating my birthday, I can just celebrate National Chocolate Chip Day!

Jekyll and Hyde

I suppose I should have known better. It was 5:00pm the kids were hungry and tired, but I had to go to Kroger. It was one of those days when I did not even think about dinner until 5:00. I looked around and realised I had nothing for dinner. So I decided to go to the store, as did the rest of Botetourt county. I know that is the absolute worst time to go to the grocery store, but there was no getting around it.

I believe that when they build grocery stores (and pretty much any retail establishment) they spray the foundation and the walls with child-good-behavior repellent. There is just something about shopping that turns normal fairly well behaved children into raving lunatics. I think the grocery store is the worst. When you start, they beg for the kind of basket that they can both sit in. But I know better than to let them sit that close together; there will inevitably be crying and fighting. I can't let the little one sit in the little part and the other in the big part, because it leaves no room for groceries. I usually end up letting Calvin "walk" making Corban sit in the little seat, but then Corban thinks there is a great injustice because he does not get to "walk". So, I have unhappy baby #1 in the seat crying and unhappy child #2, screaming like a banshee up and down the aisles. Of course Calvin "asks" for every single item he sees, even though I know he doesn't want them or even like them, without a remote possibility that he would consume them once brought home: "Pleeeeaaaase can we get Brussels sprouts, that's my favorite" or, "I promise I will eat those sardines, I promise pleeeeeease can we buy that."

I usually end up forgetting half of what is on my list, even though I am looking right at the paper, and come home with something I had no intention of buying like those "chocolate frosted sugar bombs." There has to be an easier way. Right???

Misspellers Of The World Untie

I came across this sign while driving and I had to stop and take a picture. There were at least 3 of these along the road. I was quite intrigued. Zach and I tried to decide whether the yard they were selling from was bizarre, or the content of the sale was bizarre. I did not go to the sale to find out, but I am sure it would have been interesting. They will most likely fire their sign maker.
But that sign got me thinking about how I have an extreme hatred of intentional misspelling of words to look cool. I will boycott any product or store that uses those. I will not let my kids participate in any activity that calls itself a "kids klub" or "kids krew" or uses "kidz" in either of those instances. It very nearly makes me violent. I once even saw a sign for a store called "Klassy Kloset". If that is not one of the least classy things I have ever seen, I don't know what is. I know there are people who have a hard time with spelling, and that is okay, But adults who knowingly misspell and think its "klever" are I think, "mizlead." It hurts me to even type that in a joking way. When your 5 year old writes you a note that says " I luv you", that is cute, but past that, it isn't cute, or funny, or classy, or clever.
Really, adults ought to know better!