Quotable Calvin

Yes, it is time again for another installment of quotable Calvin. There've been more than a few times in the last few weeks where he has said something that I knew would be perfect for a "Quotable Calvin". I thought to myself, "That is so funny, I won't forget it!" Lo and behold, many were forgotten. So, I've decided that I'd keep a pen and paper with me at all times to write down funny stuff (because my memory is about as sharp as a balloon). So, here are some of the ones I've written down.

Most of the things Calvin says are out of the blue, with zero context. Probably 90% of his funniest stuff is said in the car. A little while ago he asked, "How do you get a wife?" I said in disbelief, "A wife?" He replied, "Yeah, how do you get a wife, and what happens if you can't get one?" I tried to assured him that I do not think he will have any trouble getting a wife when the time comes.

Sometimes Calvin asks pretty deep questions. Once, he asked Zach why it's bad to have TOO many toys, because toys are good (right?). Zach gave him a very in depth profound answer at the end of which Calvin said, "Yeah, and did you know Spongebob can take his feet all the way off and put them on again?" It feels good to know he is paying attention. Hopefully, something will sink-in someday.

One morning, while I was changing one of Corban's very smelly diapers, Calvin asked Zach if he could have some of his deodorant. Zach gave him some, Calvin came out of the bathroom, lifted up his arms and asked, "How do I smell?" I told him he smelled like a man. He waved his hand in front of his nose and said, "Whew, and Corban smells like a grown-up!" Let me just say, if that is what a grown-up smells like, I don't want to ever be one.

I was driving the kids somewhere and was about to make a turn when Calvin said, "Watch out! Cowboys sail these waters for miles around." Later that evening I was relating the story to his Nana when he exclaimed, "I didn't want you to tell that to anyone! Oh well, just put it in your blog." This--from a four-year-old?

This afternoon, he and Zach were going somewhere when out of the blue he stated, "I'm really glad that golf carts do not have doors." I really don't know where that came from. He's never ridden in a golf cart (to the best of my knowledge).

Yesterday, he was telling me about different TV shows that his Nana lets him watch. He was telling me about a particular one (I could not understand what he said the name or story line was), but then he said, "...but that show is not apopiate, so I never watched it." I'm pretty sure he meant "appropriate".

Tonight, he was talking on the phone to his Grandpa, and I am not sure what my dad asked Calvin, but his response was, "Well, I like race cars and rifles, that sort of stuff, but the thing I do not like is shotguns. I love rifles, but I hate shotguns."
Apparently the boy has some pretty strong opinions about his firearms (of which, he has none)!