Quotable Calvin Part II

Like I said in the previous post, there is no lack of funny material from Calvin. Here are some more quotes.

On a particularly challenging day Calvin asked for some candy and I told him he really did not deserve any, so he replied, "Well, God gives us things we don't deserve". How could I argue with that? He got the candy, but that only works once!

Lately we've had MANY conversations about meat and what kind of food comes from certain animals. One day he told me, "some people eat deer meat, and chicken and steak comes from deer too." Of course I corrected him, but it was by no means the end of meat conversations. A week or so later Zach was explaining to him that pig meat is called pork and cow meat is called beef, etc. Calvin jumped in and let us know that chicken meat is called chicken, but then asked, "What do you call wolf meat?"

One morning Calvin was explaining to me all the things he knows (which according to him is everything)and he told me, "I know everything about monsters, and trucks, and monster trucks."

The other day I came home from getting my hair done. As I walked in, Calvin looked up at me and said, "You look prettier than you used to." I was not entirely sure if this was a compliment or not! I think I will give him the benefit of the doubt.

This morning after Calvin had finished his egg he asked for another egg. I told Zach that he would've eaten 2 eggs had I fixed them. Calvin replied, "Yeah, 2 eggs are better than one." Now, I'm sure he didn't mean it to sound like the old saying about 2 heads being better than one, but the way he said it sounded like he meant to.

Calvin loves knock-knock jokes. Unfortunately, he can't quite grasp how to tell one. The first one he ever heard was the one that says "orange you glad I didn't say banana again." So, now every time he tells a knock-knock joke it goes something like this (but with a different subject every time):
Calvin: knock knock
Me: Who's there?
Calvin: Window
Me: Window who?
Calvin: Aren't you glad I didn't say window?
Me: But you did say window.
Calvin: Mom, it's a knock-knock joke.
At that point, I usually try to explain the concept of a knock-knock joke. However, it is obvious to me he hasn't gotten it because he just told that one again yesterday!

Seriously, And A Funny Video

Those of you who read my blog know that I generally keep things light and humorous, but there is something that has been really weighing on my mind for a while. I thought if I blogged it out, I might feel better. Zach and I came to a decision a while ago that we need to put Calvin in school. I have always had a very strong desire to home school my kids. However, for several personal reasons and after much prayer and consideration and seeking wise counsel, we have decided that at least for this year, we shouldn't home school. I have had to come to realise that it can't be about what I "want", or even about what I think is best for Calvin. It ultimately comes down to what God desires in me and how He can best be glorified in our family. I have to trust that in the end no matter what decision I make, God will receive all glory.
But now comes the hard part. I have to take action, and I just have not been able to bring myself to do it. I have not been able to make myself start the enrollment process, even though I know the longer I wait the harder it will be.

But, I always try to find the humor in life when I can. I saw this video on TV and it reminded me that laughter is the best medicine.

...Although, I have to warn you. It's on the darker, British side of the comedy spectrum.



If I could get a mad libs answering machine I would.

Quotable Calvin

So here by popular demand (okay, one person made a suggestion) I have compiled some of the funniest things I have heard Calvin say. Those of you who know Calvin know that he talks NON-STOP; he even talks in his sleep. A friend of mine has a brother who the family would say he lies awake at night thinking about what to say the next day. I am quite convinced that the same is true of Calvin. I have also found that what is in his brain usually comes out of his mouth in real time, which makes for some good material. Some of these are bits of conversations. Some are just random thoughts, and others were just overheard by accident.

One day while riding in the car, Calvin had a string of random thoughts that came out one after the other, with no time for response from me in between.
"Why are some transformers bad transformers? These are nice houses, I bet they are on sale. Why do babies have to get shots some times?"

The other morning I came downstairs to see both boys playing very nicely together (which is rare), and Calvin said, "See Mom how nice we are playing together? Your punishments are really working, but your warnings don't work at all."

One random observation to Grandpa, "When kids are bad, they get a spankings from their parents. When grown-ups are naughty they get spanked by God."

A lunch time conversation between Calvin and a friend Paul-
Calvin: "I love olives."
Paul: "I don't like olives."
Calvin: "Do you know why you don't like olives? Because you haven't tried them. If you tried them, you would like them."

Making up a random song: "Today O day O day, today is the day we're gonna see God, in the military of the Lord."

Calvin calls the sunlight that comes through the window "sun puddles". Zach thinks that is poetic brilliance.

He was playing and said he was the "Sheriff-in-law".

Playing with two toys, making them talk to each other:
Toy 1: "Is this heaven?"
Toy 2: "No, this is Craig's Creek!"

Today Zach was saying how taking care of children takes years off your life. Calvin commented, "Well, Mom takes care of us so she is getting ooooold."

So much comes out of Calvin's mouth almost 24 hours a day, the hardest part is remembering it, especially when you're ooooold and your memory is failing like mine!

Buggin Out

I am terribly afraid of bugs, and for good reason. I am somehow a serious bug magnet. If there is something that bites or stings, or generally brings discomfort, history has shown it is coming after me! I've had too many instances to recall to list here. However, I have really tried hard not to pass this fear on to my children. I do not freak out unnecessarily over bugs; I will even kill a bug (if Zach is not home). But somehow my children have subliminally picked up on my phobia and are well on their way to being neurotic as well. Whenever either of them see a bug, be it an ant or hornet, they flip out and yell for Dada to come kill the bug. Yes, they know I am not the one to call for bug problems. Corban will come running and say "bu bu bu dada dada dada", then he will keep pointing to the spot where it was seen, repeating "bu bu dada dada" for the next week.



Like I said, I really have good reasons for liking bugs. I lived in Hawaii for many years and there are SERIOUS bugs there. Lots and lots of cockroaches, in fact 18 different kinds! Here is some more cockroach data:

1. There are 18 different kinds of roaches in Hawaii, and they all can be found in the back of your favorite plate lunch place. The most common in Hawaii is the American cockroach (da B52 Bomber type).2. Roaches prefer humid, dark places where food is readily available (i.e. your favorite plate lunch plate).3. Females lay their egg cases in dark hiding places. Each egg case (not Ed Case!) carries about 40 little roach eggs in it. Gestation time is quick, and the little ones usually hatch at three weeks. They can put out as much as 8 egg cases in a year.4. Roaches have been known to live for up to five years (I wonder how big that buggah gets?)5. Roaches can live without their heads for up to a month. (Roaches obviously don't need to think much). Actually, I know a few humans that have been running around without a head for years.6. It's hard to starve a roach to death. He'll eat anything, including the paste on your envelopes. (Think about that the next time you lick one).7. A roach tastes with his feet, so when he's walking all over your food he's actually deciding whether your cooking is palatable.8. Cockroach droppings aggravate allergies and the insects are known to carry multiple diseases. Definitely not good house pets or welcome visitors.9. Cockroaches bite... Nasty bites too! If you put your kids down to bed with food on their mouth or clothes, you are just inviting trouble. They have also been know to get moisture from sleeping peoples eyes and noses if they are dehydrated enough. UGGGGGHHH!



Well if that's not yucky enough for you, we also have the CENTIPEDE (a shudder just went through my body just typing the word). If you have not been to Hawaii and had the pleasure of seeing one for yourself here is a picture for you:

And don't think for a minute that these are like the lovable little millipede or caterpillar. They are not only much more disgusting, but they are EVIL. To kill one (if you can catch it) you have to cut it up into many pieces with scissors, or other sharp cutting implement, there is no other way. Their armored bodies prevent them from being squashed. They are also extremely aggressive and will pretty much just come after anyone or anything. Yes the bite hurts! Bad.

So, I guess the occasional stinkbug is really not so bad.

A Public Service Announcement

For those of you who were not aware, Mother's Day is right around the corner. I know it can be difficult to find the right gift, but I am here to help (so is Wikihow).


How to Find a Mother's Day Gift Without Paying a Lot of Money
Do you want to buy your mom a cool mother's day gift, but don't have the money to buy that $30 bouquet or that $50 makeup kit? Read this guide to help you!

Steps
You can make a really nice mother's day gift. Moms love it a lot. Maybe try to Create Perfume. Or, go to a nearby garden to pick some lovely flowers for your mom. (Please do not steal flowers from someones garden)
Make special coupons for like doing extra chores and special things. You will give your mom a nice, relaxing break from work! She'll feel really happy.
Pamper your mom! Give manicures and pedicures, facials, back rub, massages, and make a soothing bath.
You will want to make your mom happy. Don't act naughty or bad on her day or else you will give her the worst mothers day ever. (Slightly extreme)
Do all her work for her and make her do whatever she wants. Try to do things without being told. Serve your mom breakfast, cook dinner, set the table, clean the house etc. (good suggestion for wives too )

Tips
Moms love gifts you make. It shows love!
The more gifts to give her, the better!
Make her super happy and treat her super special like a "queen".

Warnings
Don't make her mad or else she'll have the worst mothers day ever.
Do everything you are told or you will make her mad.
Don't rush on your gift. It'll only make her mad. Consider making a gift ahead of time.

Things You'll Need
A nice attitude
Ability to do things for her
A nice mother's day present
Love

Those are some good suggestions, most of those are good for wives too (hint).
I must say that I do not need expensive presents (although I would not discourage it, if someone wanted to get me one). All I really want is to know that I am loved, appreciated and what I do is worthwhile. So something that expresses that sentiment (diamonds) would make a great gift (hint). Also I am a hopeless sentimental sap and I love when someone (hint) writes me poetry or records me songs.
I hope some of these HINTS will be helpful to you.