The Donna Reed Experiment

Words Of Wisdom

2010-06-13T21:35:00.002-04:00

Tonight's words of wisdom comes from Calvin. As I was lovingly tucking him into bed tonight he looked at me and said,"Grandparents are waaaaaay better than parents, because they let you do things that your parents won't."

Thanks for the love son!

Words Of Wisdom

2010-05-19T22:09:00.003-04:00

Welcome to the newest feature on the Donna Reed Experiment:"Words Of Wisdom." Every week I will feature the best quote from one of my kids. I wanted to call it "Deep Thoughts", but I figured that phrase was probably copyrighted somehow (especially in this context), by Jack Handy. So, without further ado, I give you this week's "Words Of Wisdom", brought to you by Corban:
"If you waugh a wot evwey day, you will wose your waugh, wight?"

Roughly translated, "If you laugh a lot every day, you will lose your laugh, right?"

I have to type it phonetically as he says it, otherwise I think it loses some of it's charm.

Breaking All The Rules

2010-05-10T20:44:00.003-04:00

I am a rule person, I like rules. I may not have always been that way, but I am now. Rules help one keep focused and on track and give one direction. Even more than I like rules, I like when other people follow the rules. For instance, when I see a sign at the grocery store that says "20 items or less" I will dutifully count my items and if I have more than 20, I will go to the regular check out. And yes, I admit that I will count other peoples items and if they have more than the allotted number of items; I may count them out loud. Or I may even talk out loud to myself, so the offender can hear about having 20 items or less. So, the other night as I was getting ready to check out my grocery order, I found myself faced with a dilemma. Should I wait behind the guy with 2 baskets full and 800 coupons at the only open register? Or, should I cheat and go to the express lane, even though I clearly had more than 15 items? Well, I opted for the express with my big order. Almost immediately, I felt bad as a lady came behind me holding 2 things in her hands. I thought about letting her go in front of me, but I decided not to. I did look at her apologetically though. And luckily, she did not start counting my items out loud. Technically, I actually was not breaking any rules though. I did actually have two separate orders, each containing less than 15 items. But I was the only customer buying a total of more than 15 items.

I have decided to let myself off for the technicality this time... But next time, I will suck it up and get in the regular line, so as not to cause myself any more ethical dilemmas. And maybe the next time I am behind someone in the express lane with more items than the limit, I'll be a bit more relaxed and not huff and puff behind them about the "express lane" sign... Although, I probably will still count their number of groceries out loud.

On the blog again

2010-05-01T19:30:00.004-04:00

I've taken a break from the blog for just about a year now. I'd like to tell you that it was for some soul searching, deep meaningful reason. But alas, no. Life has just been so crazy. Warp speed! To be perfectly honest, Facebook probably had some small role in it ;-) I hardly realized a year had passed. I've not written a post, nor have I read my favorite blogs.
But for the last month or so, I've been really feeling like it's time to get back on. Blogging was something I really enjoyed, and I've missed it.

So here it is, the last year of life in a nutshell:
Calvin is six now and moved up to first grade, and is "too old" to let me hug him or hold his hand in public. Corban is four and still wants to be carried and held. I have gone from being a stay-at-home mom for 6 years, to working full-time. Life moves so fast, and yes, I know it is cliche. But really, every time I blink my eyes another month has gone by!

Hopefully, after all this time I still have some readers. Now, I need to see if my editor is still willing to help me out.

S.P.L.A.T

2009-04-28T09:47:00.005-04:00

Let me just start this off by saying unequivocally, I HATE STINKBUGS! I am so tired of them coming into my house. We are killing roughly 10-15 per day. They have been a problem for a while now. Even as I typed these few sentences, I have gotten up to get 2 of them. While I know they are not terribly harmful to people they, still give me the creeps. Just imagining the dirt and germs they carry is enough to make me want them gone---not to mention the smell! While I have smelled fouler things in my life, it is pretty unpleasant. I have cleaned out items in my carport only to find 15-20 stinkbugs residing in the cracks---things like lawn chairs and car seats---really not fun! So, I decided to do a little research on them, during the course of which I became increasingly paranoid that they were crawling all over me!
So here are some facts about these stinky critters:

*The species we have here in the Roanoke Valley is the brown marmorated stinkbug. Introduced into the U.S from Asia, first found near Allentown, PA. Currently making their way across the states. They have conveniently left behind their natural predators. There are over 5,000 species of stinkbugs.
*They are attracted to plants, light and warmth. This is why they come into your home. They will come in through any crack in your home, around window and door frames, tiles shingles etc.
*They emit an odor as self-defense. The odor can linger on surfaces for up to 6 months. It also serves as an attractant to other stinkbugs, telling them to come and take up residence. It also can lead them back to places they have used for hibernation in the past.
*The good news:they cannot reproduce indoors.

So what do I do about them? A friend of mine came up with a brilliant idea: S.P.L.A.T. Or Stinkbug Population Limitation & Annihilation Team. So if you hate them as much as me, join me in this worthy cause. So my fellow S.P.L.A.Ters, how do we proceed in our combat? Here are some tips I found:

This should already be obvious-DO NOT squish them, they will stink. You could vacuum them up, but seriously who is going to keep their vacuum with them at the ready all day. And then have to get them out of the canister after? No thank you. Flushing seems to work, but we have gone through an unprecedented amount of tissue and toilet paper by doing that with every single bug. I have heard that a spray bottle filled with soapy water will kill them. But then you still have to pick them up with a tissue and throw away or flush them. I read one home remedy that called for crushing a pack of cigarettes, steeping the tobacco, draining several times through cheesecloth, then adding a few teaspoons of dish soap, and using that to spray them. Unless you have hundreds of them , I can't imagine going to all that trouble. One of the funner and more satisfying solutions I read was to use a can of compressed air. Turn it upside down and spray and freeze them instantly. Apparently they freeze so fast that do not have time to emit their stench. One of the more dangerous methods (which I DO NOT recommend) was using a small torch (that just seems like a bad idea). I must admit there would be a certain level of satisfaction in it.

As far as prevention goes the only thing you can do is seal up your house like Fort Knox. Caulk and seal all cracks and around windows and doors. And if you are so inclined you can spray around those types of areas with a pesticide. In my research it has become clear that if you have a large infestation, do not use a bomb or pesticide inside. If you do, more harmful insects will be attracted to the carcasses and do much of worse damage.

Unfortunately, it looks as if these bugs are here to stay. So S.P.L.A.T.-ers unite! Kill the stinkbugs!

I've Created a Monster!

2009-04-26T20:31:00.003-04:00

This evening in the car I was flipping the dial on the radio. I happened to come across "Ice Ice Baby", by Vanilla Ice. For nostalgia sake I could not turn it off. At the risk of personal embarassment, I will admit that I still remember EVERY word to that song. My kids, however, were thouroughly impressed with my skills, Calvin in particular. Corban was not quite sure what to make of mommy rapping. Calvin was super into it and was going on and on about how cool that song was. He continued singing "ice ice baby do do do duhduh duh", all the way home. I explained to him that that style of music is called "rap". Well, he proceded to "rap" every thought that came into his head. With somewhat amusing results. He informed me that tomorrow at school he will "see how cool my buddies are by who can do the best rap". He also asked me if was okay for him to keep rapping in his bed until he fell asleep. I told him it would be better if he waited until tomorrow to continue rapping. It is pretty funny listening to the things he tries to rhyme. Unfortunately his rapping skills are about as good as his beat-boxing skills (which also loves to do).
For those of you who may have forgotten: please enjoy "Ice Ice Baby".

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Happy Birthday Corban

2009-03-17T16:13:00.002-04:00

Well, my little baby Corban turned three yesterday. On Sunday evening we had a "birthday party" for him. It was really just our family, but we called it a birthday party anyways. Almost every day for the last three months he had been asking if it was time for his birthday party yet. So, I felt compelled to do something for him. He had been asking for a "Star Wars" birthday party...I know, HUGE surprise there! So I decided that I would bake him "Star Wars" birthday cake. What possesses me to do this kind of thing is beyond me. I have zero cake decorating skills, but I would like to believe that I have at least a moderate level of artistic ability. Somehow, that ought to translate to the confectionery arts. Not-so-much! But none the less, I went for it. It took me all day. After I went to the store and got what I thought was everything, I got home and realized that I had no eggs. A minor setback. So, I packed up the kids and went back and got eggs. I got started mixing the ingredients for my cake. Then, I found that I did not have enough oil. I could have cried... but I didn't! I called my neighbor and luckily she had some she could spare. So I finished the cake and made all the icing. I went to turn the cake out of the pan and it cracked almost completely in half. So, I had to change my cake plan. I had originally planned on making an "R2D2" cake. I know, go big or go home right? So, I finally decided to make a cake comprised of two crossed light sabers. Easier said than done. Of course, the cake was a disaster. Although, not necessarily any less of a disaster than my R2D2 cake would have been. Fortunately for me three-year-olds are not the most discriminating demographic when it comes to cake. As long as they get to eat it, then it is good enough for them. Someone at church asked Corban what kind of cake he was going to have and his answer was "mine", if that tells you anything. At least it tasted good; I guess that is all that matters. I have pondered starting a tradition of making terribly ugly, but well intentioned birthday cakes for my kids every year. Or at least, that's what I can claim when they come out like this last one. I even contemplated posting a picture of it, but to be perfectly honest, I'm a little embarrassed.

All is Vanity

2009-02-27T09:49:00.005-05:00

I really enjoy seeing vanity license plates. I even have one of my own. It can be fun when people get creative with them. I've seen some really funny ones lately, and I always want to take a picture. However, it feels slightly awkward pulling out your phone, trying to be subtle about taking a picture of someone's car. That would be a difficult one to explain if you got caught. But as many funny or clever ones there are, there are some that make think the owner of the vehicle should drive themselves to get some help. Now, I wish I had pictures for proof, but all these that follow are actual plates I've seen here in Virginia.

APSYCHO- Now, you could give them the benefit of the doubt and assume they are a mental health professional, but gauging from the pick-up truck I saw this on, I highly doubt it.

POO GRL- Most likely this girl really loves Winnie the Pooh. But really the "H" on the end of the word POO would be pretty critical to that theory. Perhaps it is a mom who has a sense of humor about the number of diapers she has to change?

SPEEDR- I bet they don't get pulled over often!

CHIKNPI- I love chicken pie as much as the next guy, but you would have to really have an affection for it to take it to this kind of extreme. Or, perhaps they run a business selling chicken pies. In which case a bumper sticker would probably be more effective.

JAGRBMB- For those of you unfamiliar with a jagerbomb it is a cocktail made of Jagermeister (a German-made herbal liqueur) and Red Bull (an energy drink). If you had maybe invented this cocktail you might put it on your license plate, but I just can't fathom going around with it on your vehicle just because you find it to be an enjoyable beverage. I love many beverages, but none of them enough to make that kind of a statement.

2 2MANY- We have all seen the vanity plates that say: MOMX12 or KTSMOM, or many other statements about ones progeny. But if this means what I think it means, then that is pretty sad!
And I did see it on a van, which is historically a family vehicle.

FUDPUKR- This one could probably be interpreted in a couple different ways, but when I look at it all I see is food puker. This is pretty disturbing, so I am hoping my interpretation is wrong!
And to be totally honest I did not actually see this one; Zach and David did. I am pretty sure they didn't make it up.

H82CLN- Now, this is something I can relate to. Although I don't think I would go advertising my lack of hygiene.

Lastly, if any of these belong to you, I mean no offense. And I hope I did not misrepresent anybody. However, that being said, some of these look a little disturbing at best.

Things nobody told me

2009-02-21T08:09:00.000-05:00

I have been thinking lately. About all the things nobody ever tells you about parenting. When you are pregnant, or have a newborn people are always giving you advice. Most of the time unsolicited. But still it is pretty constant. Some people even seem to like to scare the mothers-to-be with horrible stories of 49 hour labor and that kind of thing. People will tell you how often you will have to change poopy diapers. But i do not remember anyone telling me that in a few short years there would be times I would have to hose down my child to get the diarrhea off of his head. Nobody told me I would be standing outside in 20 degree weather cleaning vomit out of my car. Granted, most kids do not throw up as much as Calvin. Come to think of it, I have never met anyone of any age who throws up as much as Calvin! But nobody tells you this kind of stuff, like how many times a day you have to use the phrase" ____ (fill-in-the-blank) does not belong in your pants!" One might think that it would be common sense, but apparently even 5-year-olds have trouble with that. I never knew that is was possible for a person to get so incredibly dirty during the course of daily activities. I mean, I don't think my kids go rolling in the mud when I am not looking, but I would have to bathe them and change their clothes at least 5 times a day if I wanted them to stay perfectly clean. I never imagined it would be so difficult to do every day things like simply getting to the car. I thought once they could walk and do some things on their own, it would get easier. I thought once they could feed themselves, meals would be easier. I also thought that once they were potty trained, it meant that all subsequent potty would be in the toilet. And what I have learned is that it does not necessarily get easier, because with each phase you just have different challenges.

Maybe there were people telling me and I was not listening. Perhaps I just tuned it out because it did not pertain to me at the time. But the good news is: as hard as things can be, there is much joy! My kids are so fun, and they can almost always make me laugh, even when I am mad. Corban can look at me, cock his head to the side and ask, "are you angry?" And if I was angry, it just melts away.

I can't even begin to imagine what nobody is telling me about teenagers!

Blog envy

2009-02-20T20:39:00.000-05:00

As you may have noticed, I do not update my blog very frequently. I look at my blog every day. Most days, I even think about posting. Some days I have a great idea for post, but am too lazy to do it. But I do get a little jealous of others' blogging abilities. One blogger I read, updates almost every day. I do not know how she does it. And she can take the most mundane things and make it very funny. Another one of my friends blog, has an incredible gift for extracting great spiritual truths out of every day, simple things. Another friend always has interesting creative projects, that I love to follow the progress of. One friend of mine has a blog about the incredible, life changing things he and his family are doing in a third-world country.

And then there is me! Sometimes I think I have a great idea for a post and it just does not translate when I try to write. Or sometimes, I just flat out forget what I was going to write.

I guess in times like these, what can you do but put up a fun video clip.

Incredible Pizza

2009-01-23T09:46:00.003-05:00

I was playing with Corban this morning. He came up to me with his Incredible Hulk mask on. So naturally assuming he was playing Incredible Hulk I asked, "How are you, Incredible Hulk?" He looked at me incredulously and said, "I not redble ulk, I pizza man." So playing along I asked if I could please have some pizza. To which he replied, "I no have pizza, I have pop tarts."

I don't think I get this game! But I must admit, it is a welcome break from Star Wars. Both Calvin and Corban are entirely obsessed with Star Wars. It is the only thing they talk about. It is the only thing they play. From morning to night, it gets a little old. A few weeks ago we had been out really late. While driving home Calvin was almost asleep. He kept trying to tell me something about Star Wars. I wanted him to rest so I had to keep telling him he could tell me later. Well, the very first words out of his mouth the next morning were a continuation of what he had started the night before. So, apparently he thought about it all night. Corban is the same way, though. He will come into our room first thing in the morning listing all the Star Wars characters he knows, telling us who is a bad guy and who is a good guy. They also watch the movies constantly (which may be my fault). Calvin got the set of the first three movies for Christmas and has nearly worn them out. Every time I let them watch a movie, it is a given that they will pick Star Wars.

I just have to keep reminding myself that this is a phase and it will pass. In a couple of years I might miss the sound of my boys beating each other with foam light sabers. Perhaps I might be able to use some of this information for things like trivia. For instance, I now know that the Millennium Falcon did the Kessel run in under 12 parsecs.

And there are always worse things that they could be obsessed with. I might have really lost my mind by now if they had become obsessed with Barney.

Quotable Calvin.....And Corban

2008-11-22T13:09:00.003-05:00

I know it's been a long time since I've done a Quotable Calvin post, and it's not by any means for lack of material. It's only because I forget to write things down. But the good news is, now I can start including some Corban quotes. While not as sophisticated as Calvin's, Corban's are pretty funny. Enjoy:

A few nights ago Corban was running around saying, "Ooh ooh, aah aah". I asked him if he was a monkey. He looked at me with a look that said, "huh?" and he said, "No, I'm a butterfly."

Calvin and Zach were having a pretty deep conversation about the word infinite, and about things that are infinite. So I decided to see what he had learned. I asked him the definition of the word, and he answered really well. I then asked him what kind of things are infinite. He started off good, but quickly took another direction. He replied, "Numbers are infinite, and God is infinite; what if you were a Star Wars guy and lined up all the bad guys in a row and shot them."

Also in the category of randomness: I was busy in the kitchen and Calvin asked if slime could be any color. I launched into an explanation of how different things affect the color outcome of slime. To which he said, "Well, if slime was fruit colored, it would be a rainbow."

Before the bath one evening, the kids were being particularly silly. I looked at Corban and told him I thought he was funny. He said, "I not funny, I weird."

When I was putting Calvin to bed one night, he was still apprehensive about the idea of getting a flu shot. He asked when they would get it, where would they get it, how bad would it hurt, and many more. Then he said, "I wish they only had flu shots in Texas." Apparently that is the most remote/exotic or removed location he could think of.

While Zach was driving home one night over a particularly curvy road, Calvin half asleep in the back seat said, "These dangerous curves are really freakin' me out."

Lampy The Garbage Truck

2008-11-14T09:58:00.003-05:00

Calvin is getting older and these days we read books instead of telling stories at bedtime. There is a good and a bad side to it. On one hand, the books we read are pretty enjoyable for me as well. We have read Charlotte's Web, Little House on the Prairie, and the whole Chronicles of Narnia series to name a few. On the other hand, sometimes I miss telling him stories. One night, when he was still getting bedtime stories, I asked him what he wanted the story to be about. He replied, "a garbage truck". I asked him what this garbage truck should be called he said, "Lampy", naturally. I assume that was in reference to Larry Boy and one of the villains in Bumblyburg. His name is Awful Alvin and his faithful sidekick is Lampy (a lamp). So anyways the name stuck and we have had many, many stories starring Lampy the garbage truck. Well, one night recently Corban asked for a bedtime story. So I told him one of the Lampy stories. Now, he can't get enough. He asks for a Lampy story every night now, and I am happy to oblige. And, because I am sure you are dying to hear one, here is a Lampy story for you:

One of the many adventures of Lampy the garbage truck.

One morning Lampy was out picking up the rubbish. He does that every morning; it is his job. But Lampy had become very familiar with his routine. He knew his route very well. This particular morning, Lampy was not paying very much attention to where he was going. He was too busy thinking about what he was going to do when work was done. He didn't even see the big nail sticking up in the road. All of a sudden, he heard a "POP." Lampy was hurt, and he couldn't move because his tire had popped. Lampy started to cry, loudly! "Oh, ouch I am hurt, what am I going to do", he wailed. A man who lived on that street came out of his house to see what had happened. "Lampy what's wrong?", he asked. But Lampy was hysterical, and couldn't even answer. Finally the man said, "Lampy, suck it up! Take a deep breath, tell me what happened." Lampy sucked it up, and took a deep breath. He was still whimpering but he told the man what happened. "I'm hurt, it hurts, so bad. I wasn't paying attention to where I was going and I ran over a nail, my tire is popped and I can't move. What am I going to do, what am I going to do?", Lampy asked.

"Lampy, it is going to be okay. We will call our friend Mike the Mechanic. He will come and fix your tire. But until he gets here I need you to be brave."

So they called Mike the Mechanic, who rushed over quickly. He fixed Lampy's tire. He put more air in it and patched it up. Lampy was a little scared still, but he was brave. When he had been fixed, he thanked his friend Mike, and he thanked the man who came outside to help him. Lampy said that from now on he would always pay attention to where he was going. And if something did happen, we would stay calm and call for help.

THE END

So that is one of our Lampy stories. There are many more, and I am sure they will popular here for years to come.

Gift giving guide

2008-11-09T16:49:00.006-05:00

The holiday season is almost upon us. I know it can be difficult to find the perfect gift. So for those of you in need of assistance, I have compiled a little "catalogue." Some of these are so you know what NOT to give. I have scoured the internet for some of the most interesting gift ideas.

For the avid gardener in your life why not get the Bug Stopper Top. Stylish and effective!

Both in the category of most obnoxious things to wake up to:

It's the Drum Set Alarm. Wakes you up to a rousing drum solo. Drums not your thing? Try the Shocking Alarm Clock. It gives off a lovely alarm noise and when you touch it to turn it off it emits a jolt of electricity.

For the animal lover on your list: The Humunga Tongue! Want to play with your dog and humiliate him at the same time? Well, now you're in luck, it's a ball, it's a tongue, it's Humunga Tongue.

Feeling stressed out from the holidays? Can't get to the spa? Want to commnicate with extra-terrestrials? Here's your solution: The Head Spa.

Do you know someone who deserves some comfort, yet you do not want them to slack off when it comes to housework? Try these comfortable yet practical Mop Slippers.

Seriously, the fart machine #1 was so huge there had to be a #2?

Want to scare the poo out of someone when they go for some T.P? Here is the Talking Toilet Tissue Roll! Remind someone to replace the empty roll, or just give them a scare, you can record your message, and this device will activate and play it when the roll is pulled.

Are your hands tired out from old fashioned "rock-paper-scissors"? With this electronic Rock-Paper-Scissors, you will never get hand cramps again!

Busy, working woman? No time to bother with conventional panty-hose? With Nyce Legs you just spray and go! Yes, nylons in a can.

For the amateur scientist who has everything, and is not satisfied with his current dental hygeine products, the Create Your Own Toothpaste Kit. Really, what more can you say?

Believe it or not, all of these are real products. And are available for purchase at various web-stores. I hope this inspired you to find some creative gifts for your loved ones this year.

Times they are a-changin

2008-11-05T09:56:00.004-05:00

Yes, time has changed. We set our clocks back an hour on Saturday night in observance of the end of Daylight Savings Time. I must say that it is not correct to state that we "gain" an hour. I heard many a "hooray an extra hour of sleep." Let me just tell you that 5 year olds and 2 year olds are rebellious. They do NOT follow that DST rule that you should fill that "extra" hour with sleep. On Sunday they were up at 6:30. And why not? It was light; they had all the hours of sleep required. So, now they are very, very tired by 6:30pm, and they still want to wake up at 6:30 am every morning. When will they adjust?

In the defense of DST I must admit, that when you HAVE to get up early it is easier to do so if it is not pitch dark. I was beginning to feel bad having to wake the kids up at 6:50 to get Calvin ready for school. It just felt so wrong. It was so dark out and they were so tired. Now they are rarin' to go, even before the alarm goes off.

Here's a funny story:
When Zach and I were first married, we moved from Hawaii to Santa Barbara, California. Hawaii does not observe Daylight Savings Time. We had only been there a few months, we did not have TV or listen to the radio much. So when the time changed, we had no idea. One Sunday morning we woke up rushed as usual to get ready for church, and ran out the door without breakfast, so as not to be late. We got to church, and for some really strange reason the parking lot was still full and there was nobody outside. It took a while before we realised what had happened. We had gotten there and the first service was still in progress. So we went home and ate breakfast and came back at the new "right" time. I can assure you, that never happened again.

I guess over all the whole DST is a good thing. I just wish this family would hurry up and adjust.

Like Deja Vu, Only Better

2008-10-09T09:52:00.003-04:00

You do not get many second chances in life. I am happy to say though this week, I did. About 8 years ago when Zach and I were living in Honolulu, we went to a Wynton Marsalis concert. By some crazy good luck we got seats in the 2nd row. You could almost feel the spit off his trumpet. It was fantastic. Unfortunately, I do not remember much more than that. I do remember he opened the show with the standard "Take the A Train." After that it is pretty much a blur. You see, I got a migraine. I did not want to leave the concert early. We paid good money for the tickets. Also I knew Zach had really been looking forward to it; I did not want to disappoint him. So, I spent the remainder of the evening closing my eyes, trying really hard not to cry or vomit. I succeeded in not vomiting, but I am sure I cried a little. As soon as the show was over we ran out of the arena and to the car. We ran into some acquaintances from Kauai, who I am sure thought we were terribly rude as we nearly ignored them.
So when we heard Wynton Marsalis was coming here to Roanoke, we could not pass up the chance to see him again. This time I was prepared though. I made sure that I carried medicine in my purse in case of any problems. Thankfully I did not have to use it. We enjoyed a fantastic concert, headache free! Our seats were not quite as good this time around, but it was good all the same.

Corban's 1st Hokie game

2008-10-05T19:18:00.003-04:00

Yes, we took Corban to his first Virginia Tech football game. I wouldn't say it was a complete failure, but I wouldn't say it was entirely successful either. He had a great time tail-gating. What's not to like, all the food you can eat, most of it junk food? That sounds like Corban's dream come true. Unfortunately, by the time the game started he was about worn out. We got to the parking lot around around 10:30am, headed to the stadium around 12:45, kick-off was at 1:30. It also meant he would miss his nap; not a great idea when you combine that with extreme over stimulation. Calvin loves the excitement, the crowd, the noise, everything about it. Corban is not so much a people person. He was a little freaked out, I think. The band during the pre-game performance kept his interest. The Apache helicopter fly-over kept his interest. The Hokie bird (mascot) kept his interest, but that is about it. He climbed from person to person, over and over. With each person change he would try to lie down a little, then get distracted and move to someone else. Every time the Hokies scored, they fire the cannon. He jumped out of the arms of whoever was holding him each time. He just couldn't get used to that, and couldn't realize what made it happen. So, he made it (barely) till half-time. Zach and I took him back down to the car for some rest. Nana and Neds let Calvin stay in the stadium with them. He made it mid-way through the third quarter.
Over all, it was fun, and it was certainly a learning experience. I learned Corban will need to wait a few years before we try to take him again. I learned it is very difficult to pay attention to a football game when there is a toddler climbing all over you. And Zach learned it is not easy carrying a 45lb kid on your shoulders up many many flights of stairs.

The boys tail gating

Some people take this VERY seriously

The popcorn kept him busy for about 5 minutes

2 Apache helicopters doing a fly over

A few of the 66,000 in attendance, and the Highty Tighties

(Corp of Cadets) band on the field

Building and Growing

2008-09-27T19:08:00.005-04:00

I took the kids to Lowe's this morning. Every other Saturday they have their "Build and Grow" workshops for kids. This is one of my favorite things to do with the boys. It's really a fantastic thing that Lowe's does for the community. They have little tables set up and they have pre packaged projects. In the bag they have all the pieces with pre drilled holes for the nails. They have a set of plans to follow and hammers for all the kids. They also give the kids aprons and safety goggles to keep. Each time you complete a project, they give you a patch to sew on your apron. Best of all, you get a snack and a juice box when you're done. And most importantly, it's free! There are all kinds of projects they've made: a squirrel feeder, a valentine mailbox, a few kinds of trucks, a measuring tape, a few different games, and today they made a firetruck. Some of the projects are pretty difficult for the carpentry challenged, like myself. But most of the time, they are pretty simple.
My boys really look forward to "Lowe's day" as they call it. Usually, I do Corban's first. On days I'm feeling really brave, I let him try to hammer a few of the nails. I do Corban's as a kind of a practice, because I usually mess it up a little, but learn how to do it right by the time I do Calvin's. So, while Corban is watching, and "helping" me, Calvin is talking to any other kid nearby who will listen. When I finish with Corban's, he then has a new toy that will keep him busy while I work with Calvin. Calvin has gotten pretty good with the hammer. He does all his own hammering. The only problem is that he gets distracted fairly easily. Sometimes he gets so caught up in what's going on around him, he forgets what he's doing. Unfortunately, he does not stop hammering. That generally makes for some sore fingers on my part! But when he keeps focused, he is pretty good. I really think it is a great thing to get kids interested in building. Even if they don't do a whole lot, they really feel like they've built it themselves. They are so proud of their creations. They love to get the patches and have me sew them on the aprons. Calvin has a box that he keeps all his Lowe's projects in, to keep them safe. They really get into it.

Child's Play

2008-09-01T11:08:00.000-04:00

One of my favorite things is to watch my kids playing. I like to play with them too, but it is so much more fun to just observe, especially when they don't realize you are watching. That's how I get a lot of quotable Calvin material. I am always amazed with what, and how they play. I know that cliche, if you give a kid a fancy toy they play with the toy for ten minutes, then play with box for a week. Well, it is so true. While my kids enjoy their fancy toys, they find fun in the simplest of things. I could not even begin to count the number of hours they have spent playing with rocks in the creek. It really is one of their favorite activities. Sometimes they just like to throw them and watch the splash. Other times, they like to find different shapes and turn them into things. They like to find the really flat ones and pretend it's a blackboard, then find a pencil-like one to draw with. They've had many conversations on rock "cell phones" as well. The last time we were at the creek they each found one that looked (in their eyes) like a guitar. So, I took a "pencil" and drew strings and a sound hole and such. They sang and played guitar for a long time. Then we had a full day of puns about them being a "rock" band and such. Most boys have an uncanny ability to turn any object into a firearm. My boys do their share of that. But even more often they turn every object into a guitar. And in the event there is no object, they have both perfected their "air-guitar.". They like to have concerts and sing songs. Calvin has become pretty good at songwriting. A few weeks ago he was sitting around with his harmonica singing the blues. He spontaneously wrote a blues song for an attorney friend, Mr. Dan. He would sing a line something like this: "stuck in court all day long, don't got no way out". Then he would blow on the harmonica. I laughed so hard that I cried.

Now that Corban is talking more, his play is getting more fun too. He has a game where he will say, "Eat bugs?". He will pretend to eat like Cookie Monster. Then he will make his word for dirty which is mostly un-spellable, but would look something like this: "Cccchhhhhkkkk". He will then say, "Spit out". He can play that game all day.
The sad thing is, I feel I have missed so many opportunities to see them play. There have been so many times I felt too busy, like the dishes or laundry or whatever chore was so urgent or overwhelming. I know this stage of play won't last forever, so I'm trying hard to enjoy it as often as I can.

Where have I been?

2008-08-27T15:03:00.004-04:00

I know It has been a while since I have posted. Things have been just slightly overwhelming the last few weeks. Calvin started school last week. Of course, he loves it. I on the other hand am having a hard time dealing with it. It is difficult on so many levels. I am getting more used to it though. Things are better this week. The first week my plan was to just keep really busy. So, I kind of drowned myself in activities. By Thursday, I was really regretting that tactic. I was then not only overwhelmed emotionally, but physically as well. So, I decided this week to slow it down, a lot! You might think as much as Calvin talks, he would have a lot to say about his days at school. Well, contrary to logic, trying to get any information out of him is nearly impossible. So far, all I know is that he wants to marry the girl who sits across from him, because he is in love with her. Anytime I ask about what he learned, he is suddenly at a loss for words. First he tried to tell me that his teacher did not even try to teach anything. I said if that were the case I would have to call her and ask why she was not teaching anything. So, then he said she did teach things, but he just could not remember them. I have heard that this non-communication is pretty typical, I just never expected it from Calvin.
Corban on the other hand. Well, he cries every morning when we drop Calvin off. He says he wants to go too. I do not buy that for a second. He does not understand that it would mean having to leave mom, while also entrusting himself to the care of people who are not mom. And in Corban's world, that would be panic inducing. If I so much as make a move towards my shoes he starts to hyperventilate and convulse. That is really not an exaggeration. I will say though, that since Calvin has started school Corban is a different kid, at least while his brother is gone. He is so quiet and mellow you would hardly believe it. But he really does miss him. He gets all excited when it is time to go pick him up. Which is strange given the way they treat each other the second they are reunited.
It will be interesting to see how things continue to develop as the year goes on. Hopefully it won't take that long for us to all get used to all these changes.

Quotable Calvin

2008-08-08T14:23:00.003-04:00

One night as I was putting Calvin to bed, we were just chatting. Calvin looked at me and asked, "Why does Daddy have hair inside his nose that comes out?" I explained that it just happens like that when you are a grown-up. He got all excited and said, "When I am a grown-up, will I have hair in my nose too?"
I guess we all have different things we look forward to.

One afternoon while sitting around Calvin looked at me and said, "If you are alive and not dead, when I'm a grown up, will you come and visit me where I live?"

Last week I told Calvin that it was Mommy and Daddy's anniversary. I told him when it was and what it meant. The next day I overheard Calvin say to Corban; "Corban today is the most special day, you know why?" I thought to myself, how sweet he remembered it was our anniversary. I was just in the middle of that thought when I heard the rest of the conversation. Calvin went on to say it was the most special day because Nana was coming over to babysit them. Corban, of course, agreed that it was a very special thing.

I have accepted the fact that Calvin is quite scared of bugs. But apparently he is also afraid of plants now. Earlier this week, we were up at Craig's Creek. As we walked along the bank I could hear him behind me saying with each step, "One, two, three, four...not poison oak. One, two, three...POISON OAK, POISON OAK!" He did that with each plant he saw. I mean, it is one thing to be aware, but this seems excessive.

This afternoon we were playing outside in the yard when he yelled; "Mom, Mom, a poisonous tomato!" I had to think about that for a while. I eventually realised that there was a mushroom growing in the grass. Maybe five minutes later, I heard him giving Corban a stern warning not to touch the poisonous tomatoes or he would die.

Memories

2008-07-17T21:08:00.002-04:00

Zach and I will be celebrating our 10th anniversary this August. Around our anniversary, I always enjoy reminiscing about our friendship, courtship and wedding. So I thought I would just share some of my fondest memories. This time I will share about how we met and started dating.
When I was in 11th grade, Zach was just getting back from his stay at Bible school in England. The very first time I noticed him, he was showing our Bible study group his pictures from his recent trip to Israel. Then, he sort of came and went for a while. While he was gone I became good friends with Zach's best friend. I was also trying to learn how to play bass guitar. Someone mentioned that this guy named Zach was selling his bass amp, and gave me his phone number. I called and some lady with a southern accent answered the phone (which stands out in Hawaii), and took the message that I wanted to buy his amp. A few days later, we met formally when I bought his amp for $100.00. Not long after, Zach and our mutual friend (who was living at his house) were hanging out together every day. After a short time of this, I realised that I liked him. So, I started praying about him, diligently. He was pretty much all I thought about. After about a month, pretty much everyone who knew me, knew that I liked Zach. Except Zach. We still did everything together as friends. We even started a small band. It was silly but fun. Meanwhile Zach was planning on going away to California for college the next spring. I didn't know what I was going to do. I thought about writing him a letter, letting him know how I felt. Not that it would do any good, but at least I would get my feelings off my chest. I would constantly be asking my girlfriends if they thought he liked me. Of course they would all say, "Yeah, he totally does!" That year for Halloween we decided to dress up as our "glam" rock band. Zach came by the school at lunch time (by surprise) to go shopping to find costumes. I was sitting in the cafeteria and 6 hysterical girls came running in telling me Zach was here and looking for ME. I could hardly contain my excitement. Shortly after Halloween, I came to the realisation that he was obviously not interested in me. It never occurred to me that perhaps he didn't know I liked him. I was sure he knew. I became convinced that he just wanted to be friends. So, I officially gave up. I told myself I was over it and was going to move on. Well, maybe a day or two after that, Zach was getting ready to go to his college classes in the morning. His dad pulled him aside and told him something like, "You know Zach, I think that girl Sophie has a crush on you." The next day after our High School Bible Study meeting, he pulled me aside and asked if it was true. I very calmly (though I was shaking like a leaf, and my heart was beating like a hammer) told him that it was true. Shortly thereafter, we were officially "dating." Needless to say, he postponed going to school that Spring. The rest, as they say, is history.

Pictures of Vegas

2008-07-12T11:21:00.006-04:00

This is THE Hotel

New York New York

Not sure what "religious nightlife" is

Apparently there are dieties of

adult beverages, her title is

"tequila goddess"

View from our hotel window

at sunset

Fountain show at the Bellagio

Billboard right before you enter the strip

Outside of our hotel "Treasure Island"

Inside atrium at the Bellagio

each piece is a handblown glass flower

Eiffel Tower

Inside the Venetian they have a sky that changes

with the outside sky

Gondolators gondolating

There is redemption in Vegas

This giant clown was a little scary

You may have noticed that all the daytime pictures were taken from a car window. It was too hot to walk around outside, except at night. Even at night it was still HOT but slightly less unbearable.

What Happens in Vegas..........Goes on my Blog (part 2)

2008-07-12T10:56:00.002-04:00

So we are back from Las Vegas and it is good to be home. We had a good time. It was very nice to be able to spend time with some old friends. But in reflecting on the whole Vegas experience, I have come to the conclusion that you could sum up the city in two words: excess and extreme. Every thing is done to the extreme and in excess. The heat is extreme and excessive. The buildings are extreme and excessive. The prices of everything are extreme and excessive. They charge you for things that would be free anywhere else you go. They even charge you for air! Well, you can pay for air if you want, every hotel that we saw has an oxygen bar, where you essentially pay money to breathe. The food portions are extreme and excessive. The noise is extreme and excessive. There is constant noise EVERYEHERE, music is blasted at all hours in every space. The waste and consumption are extreme and excessive. The debauchery is extreme and excessive.
What also struck me is the psychology behind everything. Like the placement and layout of casinos. Every aspect of a hotel and casino is calculated to make the maximum amount of money possible. Casinos are like giant mazes because they want you to get lost inside. They figure you will give up trying to find the exit and you will decide to spend money instead.
We really did not do any gambling, it is just not our kind of thing. But we did have fun. We saw some excellent shows. We saw Cirque de Soliel, the show was called Mystere. It was so amazing and creative. The things that they do are pretty unbelievable.

We also saw the Blue Man Group. It was nothing like we expected. All I have ever seen of them is there PVC instrumentation and some drumming. But it was more a comedy show with bits of that mixed in. It was very impressive, eccentric, and entertaining.

So all in all we had a good time. I will post some pictures in a separate entry.

What happens in Vegas......Goes on my blog (part 1)

2008-07-08T10:37:00.003-04:00

So we made it here to Las Vegas. The plane ride was uneventful, which by today's standards is pretty spectacular. We got to the airport here and I was surprised by the number of slot machines. I knew there were slot machines in the airport; I have seen enough movies to know that. However, it was if they had 10,000 extra slot machines they didn't know what to do with so, they built an airport around them. The other thing you notice as you walk through the airport is the constant "dingalinaling" sound from said slot machines. It seems if you had to listen to that all day every day, it would surely cause some sort of long term psychological damage. There are also a lot of large billboards around (even in the airport) that I'm glad I don't have to explain to Calvin. I had known it was going to be hot here, but I was surprised by what 110 degrees really feels like. One of our best friends and his wife live out here in Vegas. He explained that it is a lot like being in an oven. I've never been in an oven, but I would agree that this is probably what it would be like. I've always heard people say that it is a "dry heat", so it's not that bad. While I agree it would be worse if there were any type of humidity, 110 is still 110! So, there you have a glimpse of the first day Vegas. I will update more and post some pictures (I already took abouy 95) when we get home.

No Anti-Dentite Here

2008-07-04T09:49:00.004-04:00

We have one anti-dentite in the family. Well, they are not so much against dentists as people, just what they do to you. I was a little afraid that Calvin would inherit or pick up on this trait. But my fears were relieved when I took him to the dentist this week. He had to get his first x-rays, and he did a great job of that. Although he said that the lead apron (it had a big smiley face on it) should really have an angry face instead. He very much enjoyed getting to hold and operate the spit sucker outer (I have no idea of the technical term for that instrument). The only problem came when they put the fluoride tray in, he remembered from last time that he did not like it, so I am sure much of it was psychological. So he took about 15 minutes trying to decide which flavor to choose, because he didn't want any of them. Finally I told him I would choose for him, so he very quickly said "grape." The second the hygienist put the tray in , he started to gag. Anyone who knows Calvin knows that his gag reflex has a hair trigger, he throws up ALL the time. She took it out and painted the fluoride on instead, I was proud of him for not throwing up. Something about the little toothbrushes they give you at the dentist made him incredibly excited to brush his teeth. He brushed all the way home. I kept trying to get him to feel how clean his teeth were and enjoy that feeling. Hopefully, in the future he will remember that, and perhaps enjoy getting his teeth cleaned and look forward to going to the dentist. After the appointment, I had to go to Wal-Mart to do some grocery shopping. I told Calvin he could pick out a new DVD because he did so well at the dentist. It took him all of 5 seconds to see that he wanted the second Pirates of the Caribbean movie. He carried it the whole time in the store. Every person he saw, he stopped and showed them his new DVD. He would tell them all about his trip to the dentist and seeing pictures of his teeth. If he had not stopped to talk to people, it would have taken 30 minutes less to get done with our shopping.

So I know that Calvin is okay with the dentist. Now, it is Corban I am worried about, as he has a general mistrust of anyone outside of his immediate family. He really dislikes the doctor, even though he has never had any bad experiences. All the doctor has to do is glance at him from across the room and Corban is clinging to me for his life, howling in fear. It is not a pleasant experience. Maybe we can wait awhile before I have to take Corban dentist. Or, maybe Daddy can take him!

Quotable Calvin

2008-07-01T14:55:00.003-04:00

I know it has been awhile since my last post. It has been a very busy few weeks. First, there was soccer camp for Calvin. It was really fun. They may not have learned a whole lot about soccer, but they had a good time. It was 2 hours a day for 4 days. His group was age 3-5, so as you can imagine most of the time was spent on water, potty, and snack breaks with a few soccer skills learned in between. Then we had our church youth (high school) camp which Zach and I were in charge of. It was a lot fun and I think the kids had a good time. Needless to say, I came home very tired anf not wanting to cook again for a long time! Now, we leave again in a few days. Zach and I are off to Las Vegas in celebration of our 10th wedding anniversary (which is not actually till Aug.1 but this is the time we could get). So, I know the title said quotable Calvin, but I just wanted to fill you in on things.
Without further ado:

One morning while sitting at the breakfast table Calvin said, "Girls are good at shopping and cooking breakfast". What I think he meant was, "Girls are good at so many things, there are too many to name, but I appreciate it most when Mom takes me shopping and cooks me breakfast". I will give him the benefit of the doubt.

On our way to soccer camp we had the following discussion:
Calvin: Hey Mom, I just saw a turtle up in a tree.
Me: Probably not Calvin, I don't think a turtle could climb up in a tree.
Calvin: Yeah they can, they just do it slower.
Me: No, I really don't think they can climb.
Calvin: Well, then I just saw a turtle that wind blew him up in a tree. Would the turtle get a splinter in his shell?
Me: No, turtles shells are hard.
Calvin: How do you get splinters?
Me: Little pieces of wood break off and stick under your skin.
Calvin: And in your fingernails.
Me: No your fingernails are hard, wood wouldn't stick in them.
Calvin: But if you just cut them, they would be soft and you would get a splinter.

We were in the car with some friends, Calvin and his friend Matt were sitting next to each other when Matt called to his mom that Calvin had hit him. I asked Calvin if he hit his friend and Calvin said, "but it didn't hurt". I explained that it is never okay to hit, especially your friends, so Calvin said, "yeah, but I did it slowly." And that makes it better?

Before Zach and I left for the camp-out at Craig's Creek Calvin had a warning for me, he said: "Mom, you should be careful at Craig's Creek, that place is magic, it changed me into scared."

When Calvin was getting dressed a few mornings ago he told me he had a very sad dream the last night, I asked him to tell me what happened and this is what he said: "I had a dream that I was playing at the BAC (our gym) and I had a magic wand. I accidentally changed all the kids I was playing with into lava pots (I am not exactly sure what that is but I assume a vessel filled with lava) and I kept wishing and I could change them back, because I wasn't very good at it."
I agreed it was sad, but I said that the good news was, that it was just a dream and he said: "Yeah, but the better news was, that in my dream you came to get me and you had a magic wand too, and you changed us all back."
I am still not sure if this really was something he had dreamt, but it sounded like it could have been. I am sure it must have been sad to him at the time. But it was also kind of funny!

Cry Me A River

2008-06-18T12:16:00.004-04:00

I have come to realise that I am a cry baby! For a long time I have passed it off as just having overactive tear glands or something like that, but I think I just have to come to terms with it. I was reading a book the other day and I kind of sniffled my way through the first few chapters. By the 4th or 5th chapter I had to put the book down because I was literally sobbing. I felt like such a dork. I had to leave the room because the kids were looking at me like I was crazy; Corban even started to get a little freaked out. I had to make a trip to the grocery store after that so I wore my big sunglasses all through Kroger. I got some interesting looks.
But, if it was just this one book I wouldn't be so worried. It is everything these days. For the past year or so, Calvin and I have been reading through the Chronicles Of Narnia series. This is my 3rd time reading through them. Sure enough, each time in the Lion The Witch and the Wardrobe when Aslan dies, I cry. So, there I am trying to read it out loud to Calvin, trying to hold myself together; it's pathetic. There are also parts in each of the other books that give me trouble(generally having to do with Aslan). In my own defense, it is a very moving allegory! My problem really doesn't stop at books, though. There are many movies, even TV shows that cause the water to turn on. There are the human interest stories in the "news", and that really sad phone company commercial (okay, that one was a joke). I even cry when I laugh. I always have. It does not make sense. Just yesterday, a couple of friends had me laughing so much I was crying.
Other than the laughing problem, I do not think I have always been this much of an emotional wreck. I am pretty sure it got worse after I had Calvin, then worse yet when I had Corban. It really doesn't make sense.
So, if you see me in Kroger sometime with bloodshot eyes and a red face, wearing sunglasses inside, it probably means I was just reading a good book.

Quotable Calvin

2008-06-15T21:14:00.004-04:00

Yes, it is time again for another installment of quotable Calvin. There've been more than a few times in the last few weeks where he has said something that I knew would be perfect for a "Quotable Calvin". I thought to myself, "That is so funny, I won't forget it!" Lo and behold, many were forgotten. So, I've decided that I'd keep a pen and paper with me at all times to write down funny stuff (because my memory is about as sharp as a balloon). So, here are some of the ones I've written down.

Most of the things Calvin says are out of the blue, with zero context. Probably 90% of his funniest stuff is said in the car. A little while ago he asked, "How do you get a wife?" I said in disbelief, "A wife?" He replied, "Yeah, how do you get a wife, and what happens if you can't get one?" I tried to assured him that I do not think he will have any trouble getting a wife when the time comes.

Sometimes Calvin asks pretty deep questions. Once, he asked Zach why it's bad to have TOO many toys, because toys are good (right?). Zach gave him a very in depth profound answer at the end of which Calvin said, "Yeah, and did you know Spongebob can take his feet all the way off and put them on again?" It feels good to know he is paying attention. Hopefully, something will sink-in someday.

One morning, while I was changing one of Corban's very smelly diapers, Calvin asked Zach if he could have some of his deodorant. Zach gave him some, Calvin came out of the bathroom, lifted up his arms and asked, "How do I smell?" I told him he smelled like a man. He waved his hand in front of his nose and said, "Whew, and Corban smells like a grown-up!" Let me just say, if that is what a grown-up smells like, I don't want to ever be one.

I was driving the kids somewhere and was about to make a turn when Calvin said, "Watch out! Cowboys sail these waters for miles around." Later that evening I was relating the story to his Nana when he exclaimed, "I didn't want you to tell that to anyone! Oh well, just put it in your blog." This--from a four-year-old?

This afternoon, he and Zach were going somewhere when out of the blue he stated, "I'm really glad that golf carts do not have doors." I really don't know where that came from. He's never ridden in a golf cart (to the best of my knowledge).

Yesterday, he was telling me about different TV shows that his Nana lets him watch. He was telling me about a particular one (I could not understand what he said the name or story line was), but then he said, "...but that show is not apopiate, so I never watched it." I'm pretty sure he meant "appropriate".

Tonight, he was talking on the phone to his Grandpa, and I am not sure what my dad asked Calvin, but his response was, "Well, I like race cars and rifles, that sort of stuff, but the thing I do not like is shotguns. I love rifles, but I hate shotguns."
Apparently the boy has some pretty strong opinions about his firearms (of which, he has none)!

Mommy Jeopardy

2008-06-08T09:42:00.005-04:00

Here is a fun game, I will give you an answer and you try to guess the question. It's just like Jeopardy! Are you ready?

1) Torn-up Kleenex, graham crackers, 653 toys, 4 half empty water bottles, dirty socks, a can of Campbells soup.

What are things on my van floor right now?

2) Febreeze, a vacuum, Clorox wipes, 15 plastic Kroger bags.

What are things I keep in my van (on purpose)?

3) 92 loose pennies, a diaper, a magnet shaped like the #9, a Virginia Tech ticket from the 1993 Tech vs. Miami game, a peanut, and 6 gum wrappers.

What are the things in my purse right now?

4) Money, a train, food of every kind.

What are the things I have found while changing diapers?

5) Bugs, chalk, sand, rocks, his brother.

What are things I have had to stop Corban from trying to eat?
(He has been successful though with the sand, and most likely some bugs).

6) Kobe, Poke, Mele, Cocoa.

What are dogs that Calvin pretends to be?

7) Pizza, french fries, peanut butter and jelly sandwich, eggs and bacon, ice and bread, and some fruit.

What are the only foods Corban will eat, not counting candy because candy is REALLY not a food! ?

8) The van, the van , the van , the van, the van, every room in the house.

Where are the places Calvin has thrown-up?

9) Stink bugs, a toothbrush, 63 sheets of wipes (at one time), and his hands.

What are things Corban has put in the toilet?

10) 7,635.

What is the number of times Corban has screamed today?

Truth In Advertising

2008-06-06T08:36:00.003-04:00

Some number of months ago, I was getting ready to go somewhere. I let Calvin go downstairs and watch TV, while I was getting ready. I assumed that he was busy watching the Disney channel. When I came down about 20 minutes later he asked me, "Mommy do you want to buy the Worx GT?" To which I replied, "what?" Calvin answered, "the Worx GT, Mom. You can fold it to fit easy into the back of your car; it can go under play equipment, and you don't even have to pay any money right now!" At that point, I looked at the TV and noticed that he had been watching an infomercial for that entire time.
That was the first time I had seen him very interested in an infomercial, but certainly not the last. For some reason, he really likes watching infomercials and has asked me if I need countless other products. So, after that we started talking about how commercials are not always exactly truthful, and they usually just want to sell you a product that you don't need. He has been trying hard to be discerning when it comes to these commercials. Almost every one that he sees now (unless of course, it is for a toy or breakfast cereal, which would of course improve his quality of life immediately and without question), he asks whether they are telling the truth or not. I try to point out some of the things they show you that are misleading, like how they make ordinary tasks seem more difficult, so you think you can not live without said product.

Yesterday a commercial came on for the Buxton Organizer bag.

In the middle of the commercial Calvin said emphatically, "They are lying, you don't need that. They just want to take our money, I will NEVER let them take our money!"
I know that discernment will come more with age, but this is a start!

A Fun Trip

2008-06-04T09:43:00.009-04:00

Well, I shouldn't say it was a fun trip. Being there was really fun, but the actual driving trip part was not so fun. It never is. The way up to Williamsburg was okay; we left right after church. I was sure that Corban would take a little nap in the car, but I should have known that thinking that always means it won't happen. So, that was the only problem on the way up. We got there and hit Busch Gardens hard! Unfortunately, that meant that we did not get back to the hotel until around 9:00pm. So, the kids did not get to bed until 9:15, but of course they woke up at 6:30 the next morning. However, we had such a good time at Busch Gardens. One of the best parts was watching the kids experience it; seeing the joy and amazement on their faces was so much fun for me. When we were there Sunday evening, I was still a little queasy from the car ride, so I decided I wanted to wait till Monday to ride the Griffon (the CRAZY big roller coaster). We got to the park a little before they opened on Monday, and Zach and I headed straight for the Griffon. We were one of the first ones in line. We rode it, and I did not want to sit in front, so we sat in the middle. It was not quite as scary as it was the first time we rode it last year. We got off and were feeling emboldened, and there was still no line, so we rode it again. This time though, we sat in the front row! It was a whole different experience sitting in the front. The Griffon takes you up (slowly) about 205 feet then dangles you there for what seems like 5 minutes, then drops you straight down. It was really fun. This video hardly does it justice, but is the best I could find.

Like I said, the kids had a great time. There was really so much for them to do. They rode all the kiddie rides a couple of times. The only problems were that it was really hot and was really sensory overload for both them. By mid-day they were having pretty massive meltdowns. So, we headed for home about 4:30pm. Calvin was talking really slowly, and his conversations were fewer and farther between then normal. I was still able to get some really good material for the next "quotable Calvin" installment. His behavior was pretty normal except that about every 15 minutes he would let a huge sob and say how he missed the hotel and wanted to live there forever. He also kept asking me if I had remembered various objects in hopes that I had forgotten something and would have to go back to the hotel, thinking maybe if we went back to the hotel we would have to stay. But we eventually got home, close to 9:30pm. The kids are still suffering the effects of being wildly off schedule for a couple of days. It is not fun, but they are starting to get better. Here are a few pictures of the kids enjoying themselves.

This is them at the start of the day ready for fun!

This is them after lunch where it started to get rough!

This is the end of the day when they were too exhausted to move

Here they are having the time of their life!

Quotable Calvin Part II

2008-05-24T09:12:00.003-04:00

Like I said in the previous post, there is no lack of funny material from Calvin. Here are some more quotes.

On a particularly challenging day Calvin asked for some candy and I told him he really did not deserve any, so he replied, "Well, God gives us things we don't deserve". How could I argue with that? He got the candy, but that only works once!

Lately we've had MANY conversations about meat and what kind of food comes from certain animals. One day he told me, "some people eat deer meat, and chicken and steak comes from deer too." Of course I corrected him, but it was by no means the end of meat conversations. A week or so later Zach was explaining to him that pig meat is called pork and cow meat is called beef, etc. Calvin jumped in and let us know that chicken meat is called chicken, but then asked, "What do you call wolf meat?"

One morning Calvin was explaining to me all the things he knows (which according to him is everything)and he told me, "I know everything about monsters, and trucks, and monster trucks."

The other day I came home from getting my hair done. As I walked in, Calvin looked up at me and said, "You look prettier than you used to." I was not entirely sure if this was a compliment or not! I think I will give him the benefit of the doubt.

This morning after Calvin had finished his egg he asked for another egg. I told Zach that he would've eaten 2 eggs had I fixed them. Calvin replied, "Yeah, 2 eggs are better than one." Now, I'm sure he didn't mean it to sound like the old saying about 2 heads being better than one, but the way he said it sounded like he meant to.

Calvin loves knock-knock jokes. Unfortunately, he can't quite grasp how to tell one. The first one he ever heard was the one that says "orange you glad I didn't say banana again." So, now every time he tells a knock-knock joke it goes something like this (but with a different subject every time):
Calvin: knock knock
Me: Who's there?
Calvin: Window
Me: Window who?
Calvin: Aren't you glad I didn't say window?
Me: But you did say window.
Calvin: Mom, it's a knock-knock joke.
At that point, I usually try to explain the concept of a knock-knock joke. However, it is obvious to me he hasn't gotten it because he just told that one again yesterday!

Seriously, And A Funny Video

2008-05-20T22:01:00.005-04:00

Those of you who read my blog know that I generally keep things light and humorous, but there is something that has been really weighing on my mind for a while. I thought if I blogged it out, I might feel better. Zach and I came to a decision a while ago that we need to put Calvin in school. I have always had a very strong desire to home school my kids. However, for several personal reasons and after much prayer and consideration and seeking wise counsel, we have decided that at least for this year, we shouldn't home school. I have had to come to realise that it can't be about what I "want", or even about what I think is best for Calvin. It ultimately comes down to what God desires in me and how He can best be glorified in our family. I have to trust that in the end no matter what decision I make, God will receive all glory.
But now comes the hard part. I have to take action, and I just have not been able to bring myself to do it. I have not been able to make myself start the enrollment process, even though I know the longer I wait the harder it will be.

But, I always try to find the humor in life when I can. I saw this video on TV and it reminded me that laughter is the best medicine.

...Although, I have to warn you. It's on the darker, British side of the comedy spectrum.

If I could get a mad libs answering machine I would.

Quotable Calvin

2008-05-16T21:27:00.003-04:00

So here by popular demand (okay, one person made a suggestion) I have compiled some of the funniest things I have heard Calvin say. Those of you who know Calvin know that he talks NON-STOP; he even talks in his sleep. A friend of mine has a brother who the family would say he lies awake at night thinking about what to say the next day. I am quite convinced that the same is true of Calvin. I have also found that what is in his brain usually comes out of his mouth in real time, which makes for some good material. Some of these are bits of conversations. Some are just random thoughts, and others were just overheard by accident.

One day while riding in the car, Calvin had a string of random thoughts that came out one after the other, with no time for response from me in between.
"Why are some transformers bad transformers? These are nice houses, I bet they are on sale. Why do babies have to get shots some times?"

The other morning I came downstairs to see both boys playing very nicely together (which is rare), and Calvin said, "See Mom how nice we are playing together? Your punishments are really working, but your warnings don't work at all."

One random observation to Grandpa, "When kids are bad, they get a spankings from their parents. When grown-ups are naughty they get spanked by God."

A lunch time conversation between Calvin and a friend Paul-
Calvin: "I love olives."
Paul: "I don't like olives."
Calvin: "Do you know why you don't like olives? Because you haven't tried them. If you tried them, you would like them."

Making up a random song: "Today O day O day, today is the day we're gonna see God, in the military of the Lord."

Calvin calls the sunlight that comes through the window "sun puddles". Zach thinks that is poetic brilliance.

He was playing and said he was the "Sheriff-in-law".

Playing with two toys, making them talk to each other:
Toy 1: "Is this heaven?"
Toy 2: "No, this is Craig's Creek!"

Today Zach was saying how taking care of children takes years off your life. Calvin commented, "Well, Mom takes care of us so she is getting ooooold."

So much comes out of Calvin's mouth almost 24 hours a day, the hardest part is remembering it, especially when you're ooooold and your memory is failing like mine!

Buggin Out

2008-05-10T08:49:00.004-04:00

I am terribly afraid of bugs, and for good reason. I am somehow a serious bug magnet. If there is something that bites or stings, or generally brings discomfort, history has shown it is coming after me! I've had too many instances to recall to list here. However, I have really tried hard not to pass this fear on to my children. I do not freak out unnecessarily over bugs; I will even kill a bug (if Zach is not home). But somehow my children have subliminally picked up on my phobia and are well on their way to being neurotic as well. Whenever either of them see a bug, be it an ant or hornet, they flip out and yell for Dada to come kill the bug. Yes, they know I am not the one to call for bug problems. Corban will come running and say "bu bu bu dada dada dada", then he will keep pointing to the spot where it was seen, repeating "bu bu dada dada" for the next week.

Like I said, I really have good reasons for liking bugs. I lived in Hawaii for many years and there are SERIOUS bugs there. Lots and lots of cockroaches, in fact 18 different kinds! Here is some more cockroach data:

1. There are 18 different kinds of roaches in Hawaii, and they all can be found in the back of your favorite plate lunch place. The most common in Hawaii is the American cockroach (da B52 Bomber type).2. Roaches prefer humid, dark places where food is readily available (i.e. your favorite plate lunch plate).3. Females lay their egg cases in dark hiding places. Each egg case (not Ed Case!) carries about 40 little roach eggs in it. Gestation time is quick, and the little ones usually hatch at three weeks. They can put out as much as 8 egg cases in a year.4. Roaches have been known to live for up to five years (I wonder how big that buggah gets?)5. Roaches can live without their heads for up to a month. (Roaches obviously don't need to think much). Actually, I know a few humans that have been running around without a head for years.6. It's hard to starve a roach to death. He'll eat anything, including the paste on your envelopes. (Think about that the next time you lick one).7. A roach tastes with his feet, so when he's walking all over your food he's actually deciding whether your cooking is palatable.8. Cockroach droppings aggravate allergies and the insects are known to carry multiple diseases. Definitely not good house pets or welcome visitors.9. Cockroaches bite... Nasty bites too! If you put your kids down to bed with food on their mouth or clothes, you are just inviting trouble. They have also been know to get moisture from sleeping peoples eyes and noses if they are dehydrated enough. UGGGGGHHH!

Well if that's not yucky enough for you, we also have the CENTIPEDE (a shudder just went through my body just typing the word). If you have not been to Hawaii and had the pleasure of seeing one for yourself here is a picture for you:

And don't think for a minute that these are like the lovable little millipede or caterpillar. They are not only much more disgusting, but they are EVIL. To kill one (if you can catch it) you have to cut it up into many pieces with scissors, or other sharp cutting implement, there is no other way. Their armored bodies prevent them from being squashed. They are also extremely aggressive and will pretty much just come after anyone or anything. Yes the bite hurts! Bad.

So, I guess the occasional stinkbug is really not so bad.

A Public Service Announcement

2008-05-03T19:16:00.002-04:00

For those of you who were not aware, Mother's Day is right around the corner. I know it can be difficult to find the right gift, but I am here to help (so is Wikihow).

How to Find a Mother's Day Gift Without Paying a Lot of Money
Do you want to buy your mom a cool mother's day gift, but don't have the money to buy that $30 bouquet or that $50 makeup kit? Read this guide to help you!

Steps
You can make a really nice mother's day gift. Moms love it a lot. Maybe try to Create Perfume. Or, go to a nearby garden to pick some lovely flowers for your mom. (Please do not steal flowers from someones garden)
Make special coupons for like doing extra chores and special things. You will give your mom a nice, relaxing break from work! She'll feel really happy.
Pamper your mom! Give manicures and pedicures, facials, back rub, massages, and make a soothing bath.
You will want to make your mom happy. Don't act naughty or bad on her day or else you will give her the worst mothers day ever. (Slightly extreme)
Do all her work for her and make her do whatever she wants. Try to do things without being told. Serve your mom breakfast, cook dinner, set the table, clean the house etc. (good suggestion for wives too )

Tips
Moms love gifts you make. It shows love!
The more gifts to give her, the better!
Make her super happy and treat her super special like a "queen".

Warnings
Don't make her mad or else she'll have the worst mothers day ever.
Do everything you are told or you will make her mad.
Don't rush on your gift. It'll only make her mad. Consider making a gift ahead of time.

Things You'll Need
A nice attitude
Ability to do things for her
A nice mother's day present
Love

Those are some good suggestions, most of those are good for wives too (hint).
I must say that I do not need expensive presents (although I would not discourage it, if someone wanted to get me one). All I really want is to know that I am loved, appreciated and what I do is worthwhile. So something that expresses that sentiment (diamonds) would make a great gift (hint). Also I am a hopeless sentimental sap and I love when someone (hint) writes me poetry or records me songs.
I hope some of these HINTS will be helpful to you.

Happy Holidays

2008-04-30T14:03:00.002-04:00

I have always loved obscure holidays. I try to check pretty often what holiday it is so I don't miss anything. Unfortunately I just missed National Shrimp Scampi Day. Yes, it was yesterday, April 29, and I did nothing to celebrate it. But it is okay to miss some holidays, because really every day is a holiday. Today is National Honesty Day. It is pretty sad that one would need a holiday as an excuse to be honest.
Just so you do not miss anything here are some more upcoming events:
May 2: International Tuba Day (I guess if you do not own a tuba you could listen to tuba music to celebrate. Seriously an international holiday for the tuba?)

May 3: Lumpy Rug Day (I do not know whether you would try to get lumps out of your rugs, or make your rugs more lumpy for this day)

May 4: National Candied Orange Peel Day (yummmmmm)

May 5: If you do not wish to celebrate Cinco De Mayo you can celebrate National Oyster Day (or make oyster tacos and kill 2 birds with one stone)

May 6: No Diet Day (which I really celebrate every day)

May 8: Iris Day (I put that one in for my niece Iris)

So that gets you through the next week. You should probably take a few days off after all that, to prepare for Mothers Day. Maybe this year instead of celebrating my birthday, I can just celebrate National Chocolate Chip Day!

Jekyll and Hyde

2008-04-26T18:29:00.002-04:00

I suppose I should have known better. It was 5:00pm the kids were hungry and tired, but I had to go to Kroger. It was one of those days when I did not even think about dinner until 5:00. I looked around and realised I had nothing for dinner. So I decided to go to the store, as did the rest of Botetourt county. I know that is the absolute worst time to go to the grocery store, but there was no getting around it.

I believe that when they build grocery stores (and pretty much any retail establishment) they spray the foundation and the walls with child-good-behavior repellent. There is just something about shopping that turns normal fairly well behaved children into raving lunatics. I think the grocery store is the worst. When you start, they beg for the kind of basket that they can both sit in. But I know better than to let them sit that close together; there will inevitably be crying and fighting. I can't let the little one sit in the little part and the other in the big part, because it leaves no room for groceries. I usually end up letting Calvin "walk" making Corban sit in the little seat, but then Corban thinks there is a great injustice because he does not get to "walk". So, I have unhappy baby #1 in the seat crying and unhappy child #2, screaming like a banshee up and down the aisles. Of course Calvin "asks" for every single item he sees, even though I know he doesn't want them or even like them, without a remote possibility that he would consume them once brought home: "Pleeeeaaaase can we get Brussels sprouts, that's my favorite" or, "I promise I will eat those sardines, I promise pleeeeeease can we buy that."

I usually end up forgetting half of what is on my list, even though I am looking right at the paper, and come home with something I had no intention of buying like those "chocolate frosted sugar bombs." There has to be an easier way. Right???

Misspellers Of The World Untie

2008-04-19T10:45:00.005-04:00

I came across this sign while driving and I had to stop and take a picture. There were at least 3 of these along the road. I was quite intrigued. Zach and I tried to decide whether the yard they were selling from was bizarre, or the content of the sale was bizarre. I did not go to the sale to find out, but I am sure it would have been interesting. They will most likely fire their sign maker.
But that sign got me thinking about how I have an extreme hatred of intentional misspelling of words to look cool. I will boycott any product or store that uses those. I will not let my kids participate in any activity that calls itself a "kids klub" or "kids krew" or uses "kidz" in either of those instances. It very nearly makes me violent. I once even saw a sign for a store called "Klassy Kloset". If that is not one of the least classy things I have ever seen, I don't know what is. I know there are people who have a hard time with spelling, and that is okay, But adults who knowingly misspell and think its "klever" are I think, "mizlead." It hurts me to even type that in a joking way. When your 5 year old writes you a note that says " I luv you", that is cute, but past that, it isn't cute, or funny, or classy, or clever.
Really, adults ought to know better!

Times A Wastin

2008-04-14T10:04:00.003-04:00

I have been thinking lately about how time passes. Can you remember when you were a kid and a month was a really long time? Remember how long it took to get from one Christmas to the next? It was almost an eternity when I was a kid. Now as soon January rolls around I feel like I need to get started on next Christmas! Where is that exact moment in life when time switches from moving so slowly, to moving at ludicrous speed? I wonder if that moment is different for everybody. Is it when you turn 18? Or when you go away to college? Perhaps there is some major life change or event around that time that changes your perspective.
In my own life it seems like one day I was counting down the days until high school graduation; then I blinked, and it was 5 years later. I guess I had about 4 major life changes kind of all at once: I turned 18, got married, moved out of state and started a full-time job all within 3 months. It seemed like it was kind of a blur. Maybe that kick-started that new perspective on time.
I still count down the days until events like Christmas, but for much different reasons. Now I do it to remind me of how behind I am! It seems like all I do is play catch-up while the months and years slip by. I keep telling myself that "I am sure next month things will be less busy", and I tell myself that EVERY month and it never happens. But maybe next year won't be so busy.
Oh well, I guess I will just go get started on my Christmas cards.

It's Complicated

2008-04-08T10:32:00.001-04:00

Everyone has different talents. I have mentioned that Corban has a "talent" for destruction, I have a talent for making everything more complicated than it needs to be. So I was thinking that I ought to put that talent to good use. I am not exactly sure how to go about it, but I want to be one of those people you see on infomercials that make really simple tasks look insanely difficult and tedious. I really think I could do good at that, it seems easy. You have to mess your hair up and look exasperated (that is me everyday anyways). I could be the lady that chops stuff with a dull knife and makes it look really hard then the knife could slip or I could strain a muscle, there are so many ways to do it. Or the one doing "old-fashion" sit ups and throw my back out. I could sell these amazing new products that will make you wonder how you have managed to live without them all these years.

Like this Meatball Magic for those of you who find it difficult to to shape a meatball. I guess they forgot to mention that instead of washing just your hands and the mixing bowl, now you will have to wash your hands, the mixing bowl and this product which I am sure does not have many tiny cracks and crevices for raw meat to stick into.

And who could forget that miraculous Flowbee. Oh the difficulty of the home haircut, getting the length right, and that mess , well Flowbee to the rescue.

Now this product is an amazing weight loss product called Aroma-Trim, apparently when you feel hungry or the urge to eat compulsively you whip out the Aroma-Trim. It is a convenient little cartridge that smells like vomit, to repulse you into not eating! Wouldn't it just be easier to come to my house for the real thing. Unfortunately it is no longer available in the US, I can't imagine why not.

I can make you believe that the way to simplify your life is by buying more stuff. I guess difficulty just comes easy to me.

A Blog About Nothing

2008-04-05T09:28:00.002-04:00

I know I have stated in a previous post that I feel old, but I don't think that I should be having senior moments at 27. The other night I was sitting on the couch watching TV and I had an idea for a post. I thought about it for a while and kind of laid it out in my mind. Literally 60 seconds later I could not for the life of me remember what I was going to write about. I racked my brain all night and it never came back.
I was watching a news program a few weeks ago and they profiled a "new" disease called "mom-nesia". Maybe it is more of a theory, and I guess it is not new, just newly recognized. So I felt a little better about not remembering my subject.
But it is funny how I can remember every song lyric to the Freecreditreport.com commercials, but I can't remember where I put my phone or my keys, or even remember what day it is. I wish I could go into my brain like a computer and delete all the useless "files" to make room for valuable and useful information.
But back to mom-nesia, I wonder if when my kids are grown will I regain some of the braincells that have turned to pudding as a result of my children? It would be nice to think so.

Letter To The Editor

2008-04-01T09:00:00.002-04:00

Yes, I have an editor, because although I love to write I apparently lack some finer technical skills, some things I am just not good at, for instance, I have been made aware of the fact that I do not use periods, I just use comma, after comma, after comma, resulting in terribly long run on sentences, well I sometimes I am just not sure whether or not something is a complete sentence, and so I like to err on the side of caution, and so I just put a comma in and run the risk of a long sentence instead of possibly incomplete sentences. Like this. See. I am not sure if this is okay. It doesn't look right. I know I have always had issues with this, and I am pretty sure I can blame the public school system, of which I am an unfortunate victim, and I would never blame it on my lack of educational motivation during high school, I think with time and practice I can improve this problem on my own, but until then, I will be thankful, that I have an editor because, otherwise, all my posts, would look like this!

Not So Monk-ish

2008-03-31T10:43:00.005-04:00

I love the TV show Monk. It is one of my favorites. It's about a brilliant detective who has some pretty serious obsessive/compulsive tendencies and phobias and such. I recently visited the Monk website where they have a quiz you can take to determine whether or not you are "Monk-ish" and if so, how bad. I was shocked to see just how "Monk-ish" this quiz said I was. I know I have issues as much as the next person, but am I really that bad(that could just be obsessive denial talking)?

I think I can be honest with you, this is a safe place. I only have a few such phobias, and O/C problems. I don't even think these would qualify as phobias, like one of my worst: mint jelly. I am not scared or fearful of it, I would just rather scrape my fingernails over 15 chalkboards than look at it. There is something about the color of it that really makes me shudder. Then there are cars that just have a coat of that gray primer on them; it feels bad to even think about it! That is only 2 that's not so bad. I think Monk has a list of 100 at least. As far as obsessive things go, there are just a few things I can not handle. You know those bottles of stuff like ketchup with the lids made to be placed down for ease of flow? When people put the lids facing up so the labels are then upside down, I don't care who does it, I have to fix it. I could be at a strangers house and I wouldn't let it go. I would have to stop everything else I was doing to fix it.

But really, that is just like common sense, right? So I would have to disagree with the assessment given me by the website quiz graders (or whoever). I'm not afraid of milk or mushrooms or rabbits, so really I can't be that bad.

You Can Dress Them Up, But You Can't Take Them Out

2008-03-27T20:04:00.004-04:00

So Zach had a Bible study tonight and I was all prepared to have to be by myself for the night. Luckily his parents felt sorry for me (or more likely, felt sorry the kids who would have eaten PB&J for the second meal in a row) and invited us out to dinner. Don't get me wrong, they would gladly eat PB&J three meals a day if I let them, but they have a healthy love of Cracker Barrel as well.
In the four and a half years now that I've had children, you would think there would be some lessons that I would have learned in this time. Take going to a restaurant for example; they have never behaved well when we go out to a restaurant. If one behaves the other doesn't, but never have they both been able to sit still in a chair like humans and eat their food with utensils. Tonight was no exception.
We sat down at Cracker Barrel and ordered our food; everyone ordered pancakes except me. I wanted a salad. If you have ever been to a Cracker Barrel you know that they do portion sizes to the extreme. So, my salad comes and I wanted dressing on the side because they literally give you a 3/4 cup of salad dressing (I mean really, who needs that much dressing) so, the nice lady is handing out the dishes and is about to hand me the vat of dressing when Corban reached for it--and it fell. But it did not just fall, it fell all over me. It happened almost in slow motion. It hit about a half inch below my shoulder and spilled all down my arm. Then, the bowl hit the side of my chair and spilled into my pocketbook hanging on the side of the chair. Then took a left and hit my hip and went all over my jeans. So, there I was covered in ranch dressing; it took a few napkins, 2 towels and a mop to clean it all up! Luckily I keep my pocketbook filled with trash and old receipts, so that took most of the hit in there. I like ranch dressing as much as the next guy, but it really did not smell (or feel) very good having it on my shirt all through dinner.
After we got past that, the kids ended up doing pretty well; they ate well, at least. It was difficult cleaning the syrup off of Corban's eyebrows, though.

AARP Here I Come

2008-03-19T10:24:00.003-04:00

So I have decided to just accept the fact that I am OLD. Not really old chronologically, but just an old fogey, and I really think I have my children to blame. Zach and were talking about how before we had kids the day didn't really even start until 7pm. We used to do stuff, fun stuff, stay out past dark. We used to eat dinner at 8pm and laugh at the old people who ate at 5:30, now we are joining them for the early bird specials and complaining when the wait is too long. We used to think if there wasn't at least a 45min wait at a restaurant it was not worth eating at. Nowadays after our 5:30 dinner we don't even know what else to do but go home and watch TV.
Not that any of this is all bad, I mean who doesn't need extra rest and relaxation, especially when you have young kids. It was just something I needed to come to terms with. I don't mind being an honorary senior citizen, I just wish I could get the 5% grocery discount on Tuesdays.

Home Sweet Home

2008-03-17T10:48:00.003-04:00

Yes, I have been home for almost a week, and let me say, it is GOOD. My house has never looked better, my bed never more comfy, my children never more likable. It was a long hard time, but I made it through with only 1 small melt-down, well maybe 2.
When I got home I decided to go on strike for a while, but after 3 days I realized that no one was coming to cross the picket lines, and it just meant more work for down the road. So I am back to my regular routine.
We had a busy week, even with just 2 kids, Zach preached the sermon on Sunday, and did a fantastic job, Corban turned 2 on Sun, and both the boys were baptized. Corban is still too young to really care about his birthday, but Calvin was quite jealous, he asked what he was going to get for Corban's birthday. I had to explain that we are not Hobbits, and only Corban got presents. However, all my words became pointless when someone bought him a new movie! I have come to the conclusion that Calvin really believes all the toys are his and he is just kind enough to let Corban play with them (sometimes). I am not sure how to go about setting that one straight, but I have considered throwing away all toys and letting them play outside with sticks.
Well, Zach and I are off on a mini-vacation, we are going out of town for 2 days, while the grandparents keep the kids. It will be a much needed getaway.

It's Like A Cup Of Coffee

2008-03-03T20:04:00.002-05:00

I am still alive! That is about all I can say at the end of day 4. I have new list of noises from toys that make my head explode, and my patience is being tested in ways I've never dreamed of. I am sure I have cleaned snot by the gallon, diapers by the score and toys by the million.
I was reminded of a very funny Seinfeld episode, where Jerry is telling Elaine that they don't have to stay in Florida very much longer:
ELAINE: (to Jerry) Five more days?JERRY: Well today's almost over. And weekdays always go by fast. Friday we're leaving. It's like two days really. It's like a cup of coffee. It will go by like that. (snapping his fingers)

So I keep telling myself that it is almost over...and I almost believe it!

Here We Go Again

2008-02-29T14:02:00.002-05:00

We have done it again, volunteered to watch the children of our friends while they are out of town for 9 days. So in addition to my own rowdy two we are adding 2 and1/2 year old twin boys. Yes that's right 4 boys; 3 toddlers and a preschooler! Sometimes I think I must be insane. But really we are glad to help a friend. So for the next week either I will be totally MIA having hidden in a cave to get away during any free time I may have, or you may read an amusing account here and there of the next week. One thing I have learned, having done this before is that mothers of more than 2 children are AMAZING! So I know we will get through it with lots prayer and humble reliance.
This is day 1 and the twins will be getting off the school bus in about 30 seconds so wish me luck.

Wildlife Rescuers

2008-02-25T16:08:00.002-05:00

Today started out almost normal, apparently too normal. First I learned I was trying to be swindled by (big surprise) the service station of my car dealership. Last week I was in there for something really small and warranty related, they asked if I wanted to go ahead and get my state safety inspection done as it was due for renewal, I thought "how convenient, kill two birds with one stone." Well they came back and told me that my front brake pads would not pass inspection and it would cost $175.00 parts and labor to put on new brake pads. I knew I could do it for less locally so I declined and they put this big pink "REJECTION" sticker on my windshield where my inspection sticker would go. I know it was really not that big a deal, but it never feels good to get something like that. So Zach took the van down to a place down the street where we know the guys, and they told him the brake pads were fine and nowhere near in need of replacement, and so they passed me and took off the "REJECTION" sticker and put the regular one on. That was a relief.
Then we were all sitting downstairs after breakfast and we heard a loud thud from the fireplace, it was a bird. It was flapping and freaking out clawing and getting stuck on the mesh screen. There are now bird droppings on the inside of the fireplace door, good times. So the bird was struggling terribly and we realized we had 3 choices: 1) we could just wait it out and hope that it either flies out or kicks the bucket quickly (neither of which were likely)
2) we could try and catch it as quickly as possible (difficult and messy)
3) we could toss a lit fire log in there and see what happens (yuck, shouldn't have even thought about that one!)
So we chose the most humane, practical and messy solution, Zach bravely got almost entirely inside the fireplace and extracted the very frightened little bird, it was a good thing he was wearing big gloves, and let it go outside. I guess it could have been worse. I do not really wish to have "really uneventful" days anymore, because they start out that way, but always end up going entirely in the opposite direction!

Excuses, Excuses

2008-02-20T13:39:00.003-05:00

Okay, I can admit, I am the worlds worst procrastinator. Maybe not the worst but at least in the top 10%. And I can also admit that it most likely coinsides with a small amount of laziness. But really why do today what you can put off to tomorrow. Why not play another game of sudoku, when what you could do doesn't really absolutely have to be done for another hour? That is just kinda the way I live my life. Take laundry, for instance, yes I could do a load every day and never get overwhelmed with it. But why not just wait until nobody in the house has any underwear and I can't see the laundry room floor (making sure to close the laundry room door of course because at any point one of those items could sprout legs and start taking over the living room!) Then you embark on a 12 load in 1 day marathon and get so burnt out on laundry that you never want to do it again, until nobody has any underwear and you can't see the laundry room floor. Now really what is the problem with that? You can probably tell by now, that this theory does not just apply to laundry but really everything, I have just kind of always been this way.

But I think I may have turned a corner, last week it was cold and rainy, (I absolutely hate having to take the kids out in that kind of weather, the jackets, the car seats, no fun) I woke up feeling like doing anything (even laundry) except going to the gym, but I did it anyways. I just sucked it up and went, and of course I was glad that I did, I always feel better when I do.

So maybe I have changed my ways...... But then again this was last week and I have been meaning to post it since it happened. Oh well at least the laundry is done!

Can We Put This In Writing?

2008-02-11T10:03:00.001-05:00

I Think I need to teach Calvin how to sign his name, I also think I should keep contracts on hand to hold him to things that he says. He keeps telling me all these things that he is going to do when he grows up and I really think we should have some kind of contract so we can remember them when he is grown up.
One of the things he has done is plan out all the kinds of birthday parties he wants for the next 15 years. I just think it would be terribly funny if I made him have a Backyardigans birthday party when he is 19, or I threw him a monster truck themed party when he is 25.
The other night we were in the car and he said "when I grow up and you get the van dirty I will come over with a carpet cleaner and keep it clean for you." Well I think that is a fantastic idea, I asked him if he would remember that when he grows up, he said he would. I told him that it would be good for him to take care of mom and dad when we are old.
He also said that when he grows up he is going to be a house builder, and he would come and build us a new house. He said it would be one that is bigger than this and nicer than this one.
These are all fantastic notions, I just want to find a way to make it legally binding! Wouldn't that be nice if he really did all that with all the enthusiasm and joy that he talks about it with now?

So Attractive

2008-02-09T19:51:00.000-05:00

So when I am sick this how I feel, when I am hacking coughing and blowing my nose, I feel entirely unattractive. This clip always pops into my head.

Can't win

2008-02-08T08:40:00.000-05:00

So pretty much all of last week I was out with the FLU (read like Elrond saying Mt Doom), I finally started to feel better Saturday. Monday I got a sinus infection, it felt like somebody had taken cement and injected it into my face. Good times! Needless to say I have not gotten out much in the past 2 weeks, the most I have gotten to do is clean my van! Calvin had the flu as well and yada yada yada I had to rent a rug doctor to steam clean the car.

Anyways, about a month or so ago I read a review of a restaurant in the paper that I really wanted to try. The day I read it I told Zach we should try it, I told him on several other occcasions as well. Fast forward to Tuesday, I was talking to a friend and she was telling me how they have gone to said restaurant and enjoyed it. I mentioned it to Zach later and he said "yeah, that place is good I have been there." Okay, I will admit that I was bummed. Maybe a little more bummed than I should have been. But it always bothers me, his life seems so much more fun, as I picture it he is out at a fun restaurant, with felllow adults, while I am eating PB&J discussing the finer points of Sesame Street and monster trucks with a preschooler. Well, maybe a slight exageration, but I can't help but be slightly envious of him. I know that it isn't right, and that things will change as the kids get older, and I will probably miss these times. It just always seems like the grass is greener on his side.
It is quite apparent that I need to be more content, and most of the time I really enjoy where I am. It is just so easy to slip into that sort of mindset and let it really snowball. Contentment is not easy.

Do Ducks Like Bread?

2008-01-29T09:18:00.000-05:00

So we took our 4 year old skiing yesterday, it was a lot of fun. I woke him up and, like normal, he started talking, about anything and everything. The only time this boy is not talking he is either asleep or eating, he talks non stop. I often say there is a real-time connection between his brain and his mouth, if there is a thought in his mind it is coming out of his mouth. So he talked the whole two hour trip up. We had a good time skiing, and we were all very tired when we started the trip home. Calvin did not say a word for the first hour, he was pretty much sleeping with his eyes open. After nearly an hour of silence, he all of a sudden asks "do ducks like bread?" to which I answered that they certainly do. That question was followed by another hour of silence. I can not for the life of me figure out where that question came from, there were no ducks in sight, had not seen any ducks that day, nor any bread to speak of.
The mind of a four year old is often times mysterious.

What was I thinking?

2008-01-27T18:47:00.000-05:00

Well, I will tell you what I was thinking "stop kids from screaming, get kids into car, buckle squirming, crying kids into car seats, keep kids appendages from being shut in car door, get kids dinner, get kids home......." I was thinking about everything except putting my grocery bags into the car! Like the fool, with apparent short term memory loss, that I am I decided to go to the grocery store just before dinner. Why I thought that would work I just don't know. So we finished our shopping, got to the car, buckled in etc. we went to McDonalds and got Happy meals, I thought we were doing well. I pulled into the driveway got out of the car, started to unbuckle the kids, where are my grocery bags? Yeah, I left them in the basket in the parking lot. So I had to go back to the store and go inside with the kids again, at least by now they were fed (Happy meal in the car, healthy) but I did not think to get a basket. They had already put back all my perishable items, so I had to carry a 30lb baby in one arm and a pile of groceries in the other all while making sure the other child did not run around tearing up the store.
But, by the grace of God, we are home the kids are fed, bathed, and happily sleeping. This is my favorite time of day.

Can't get no satisfaction

2008-01-24T09:47:00.000-05:00

Someone I know has an addiction........to guitars. It started off innocently enough with an even trade here and there and progressed into full scale madness, where no one guitar seems to ever be right and there are constant transactions. A while back when things started to get out of hand I came to the realization that this is an actual medical condition, so I wrote an article intended for a medical journal to promote awareness of this problem. I soon found that it is not just guitars many people have this disease in different forms. I was also made aware, by a friend, of an additional disease that usually goes hand in hand. Here are the articles:

American journal of Medicine alert regarding BST
We have received information of a new disease, which may soon reach epidemic proportions. This terrible disorder is known as BST (buy sell trade). Afflicted persons are generally unaware of their problem, however if anyone you know is experiencing any of these symptoms seek help immediately. Symptoms include, but are not limited to, discontent, blurred vision (caused by prolonged exposure to computer screens), impaired financial judgment, massive amounts of debt, and angry spouses.
THERE IS NO CURE FOR BST, and treatment is limited. We have learned it can be controlled by confiscation of credit cards and/or parental blocks on computer prohibiting viewing of EBay. We have experimented with other treatments such as; talking, crying, nagging and yelling, and even reason, but those have all proven unsuccessful.
This disease mostly affects musicians, typically guitar players. We have evidence to suggest this may be contagious. Please be vigilant protect your loved ones.

Stewart Goode MD.

The Mao Clinic has just discovered that BST has now mutated into another dangerous illness doctors have dubbed BAD (Buy and Accessorize to Death). Unlike BST, this disease can affect anyone, not just guitar players, although approximately 50% of the known cases involve musicians and golfers! Whereas BST is characterized by frequent purchasing, and then trading of goods, BAD involves the purchase of a seemingly innocent item and then subsequent multiple purchases which the infected believes are now urgently necessary in order to achieve maximum enjoyment of the original purchase.

The disease can also swing into BST if the infected person begins to feel that said purchase is now obsolete and decides to sell and trade for a different/newer model. BST and BAD seem to feed off of one another and the combination is potentially devastating if purchases become larger (ie, automobiles, boats, computers etc.).

Anyone affected by BST or BAD is strongly urged to seek immediate spiritual help by reading passages relating to contentment such as Phillipians 4:11, Hebrews 13:5, 1 Timothy 6:6. To avoid contracting these diseases, people are urged to severely limit time on the Internet and access to related magazines (ie, Golf Digest, musician and equipment magazines, Tiger Direct, etc.). A daily dose of prayer and Scripture reading is also required.

Now if I could just find a way to claim this on my insurance.....

Whats in a name?

2008-01-22T13:28:00.000-05:00

I got the idea for the name of this blog a few months ago when I was doing the dishes. My 4 year old was playing "birthday" and giving everyone "presents" he gave me a pair of shoes. Not just any shoes but a pair of high-heels, the kind I only wear on Sunday's for no more than a few hours at a time (for good reason). So, as they were a gift I dutifully put them on and continued with the dishes. After a while I started to think about the TV wives/mothers of the 50's, Donna Reed was the first name that popped into my head. I was thinking about how they were always dressed so perfectly, and their homes were always kept so nicely. When their husbands came home they had their pipe in one hand and a cocktail in the other.
I know this was only TV but I thought, maybe there is something to that. So I decided that one day I would try being Donna Reed for the day, I would wear a nice dress (with an apron of course) and high heels, and have my makeup done, and that I would chronicle the whole thing throughout the day.
Well, as fantastic of an idea as this was, I have yet to do it. I will admit that I do have a slight procrastination problem. But I still am going to do it one of these days, and if anyone ever reads this blog they will know all about it. I will do it as soon as I finish the laundry mountain, cleaning the fridge, cooking dinner........